The Best of Wives & the Best of Women: part 1
by DeborahSampson1776
Summary: Sam's life changed forever when Ainsley Hayes, the future first female POTUS, kicked his a** on National TV.
1. And I Would Have Gotten Away With It Too

DISCLAIMER:

1) I don't own anything related to the West Wing.

2) The story title 'The Best of Wives and the Best of Women' is inspired by and a tribute to Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton song of the same name.

3) The chapter title 'And I would have gotten away with it too, it wasn't for that Ainsley Hayes' is inspired by and a tribute to the famous line said by the bad guy at the end of every Scooby-Doo.

4) This takes place in the context of 'In this White House' (season 2 ep 4).

Episode Ratings and warnings: SFW - mostly T rating w/ instances of some mature (but not graphic or explicit) themes. Later installments will have Major Character deaths and will be more mature.

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*Ehrmmm... eep... ehrmmm... eep...* The printer in the Bullpen chirped over the TV.

"This is The Capital Beat with Mark Gottfried. Tonight from the right, Republican Political Analyst Ainsley Hayes, and from the left, White House Senior Advisor Sam Seaborn. With Chris Eisen at the Pentagon, and Marjorie Clarke in New York." The news broadcaster announced as the panelists' headshots flashed on the screen.

*Ehmmkkkkk deep... ehrmmmkkkkk deep...* ' _Huh that's weird.'_ A blonde woman furrowed her brow at the printer from her desk.

"DONNA!" a man's voice bellowed from one of the offices.

"Don't shout." she replied.

"DONNA!"

*Eeekkkkk feep deep feep deep... eeekkkk feep deep feep deep...*

"Don't shout!"

"DONNA!"

Donna marched over and opened his office door. "How many times have I told you not to shout?" She stared down a smug, arrogant auburn haired man.

"Ummmm….."

"Anyway, Sam's about to go on Capital Beat, if you wanna come watch."

*Eeeeekkkkk feep deep derp ... Eeekkkkk feep deep derp...*

"I was just gonna ask you about that."

' _Josh_ , _Josh_ , _Josh_ , _Josh_. _What_ _would_ _you_ _do_ _without_ _me_?' "Way aheada you, my friend." He followed her out to the Bullpen.

"Aimsley Hayes? Who's that?" Josh asked as he sat on the edge of the desk with his hands in his pockets.

*Eeeeekkkk feep deek derp... Eeeeekkkkk feep deek derp...*

"She writes op-eds. I don't agree with her on many issues, but she's a gifted and brilliant writer. Her gift of prose rivals Sam' and Toby's." Donna glanced at the printer.

Mark opened with, "Good evening. Before we get to Chris and Marjorie tonight on the Capital Beat, the House is expected to vote next week on President Bartlet's one point five billion dollar education package. Sam Seaborn, why is this bill better than its Republican counterpart that the President vetoed last year?"

Sam's perfect teeth flashed a smug smile against the White House backdrop. "Because it buys things the teachers needs, like textbooks. In a fairly comprehensive study that was done, an alarmingly high number of teachers - forty percent of teachers in Kirkwood, Oregon, for instance, and Kirkwood, Oregon being a fair model for public school districts across the country - forty percent of the teachers in Kirkwood, Oregon report not having sufficient textbooks for their students. The package offered by the Republican-controlled Congress offered a grand total of zero dollars for new textbooks."

Josh clapped. "That's my boy, Sam!"

*Eeeekkkk feep deek derp-derp ... Eeekkkkk feep deek derp-derp...*

Donna walked to over to the printer as Mark turned to Ainsley. "Ainsley Hayes? Is that true?"

"No, it's not." Ainsley responded as she jotted down notes.

 _'Oh_ , _this will be good.'_ Donna hoped to see an intelligent woman put Sam in his place.

' _Oh little girl, I thought I told you not to overreach and to stick with the talking points.'_ Mark thought as he looked at Ainsley with her french vanilla ice cream blond hair that trailed to the floor. "Is Sam Seaborn lying?"

"Lying's an awfully strong word." Ainsley said as Donna unplugged the printer.

"Do you...?" Mark started to ask.

Ainsley's gaze shattered Sam's confidence. "Yes, he's lying."

"I don't..."

"And we should tell the truth about education."

"Well, if you're gonna call..." Sam mumbled.

"The bill contained plenty of money for new textbooks. Also computer literacy, school safety, physical plants. The difference is we wanted to give the money directly to communities and let them decide how best to spend it, on the off-chance that the needs of Lincoln High in Dayton are different from the needs of Crenshaw High in South Central L.A."

Josh ran to Toby's office. "Toby. Come quick! Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl!" He beamed and then ran back.

Toby leapt to his feet. "Ginger, get the popcorn!" He said to a red-headed woman with a big smile on his face.

Mark addressed Sam. "Sam, why did the President veto the bill?"

"There are—"

"Because it guaranteed by law that ninety-five percent of the money goes directly into the classroom and bypassed the pork-barrel buffet, which is troubling to this President because he doesn't work for the students..." Ainsley clarified.

"Well, that's just..." Sam blundered.

Ainsley leaned forward. "….and he doesn't work for the parents of the students. …. He works for the teacher's union."

"The difference with the old..." Sam attempted to counter Ainsley.

"The bill contains plenty of money for textbooks, Mark, and anyone who says otherwise is flat-out lying. And we should tell the truth about textbooks. Textbooks are important, if for no other reason than they'd accurately place the town of Kirkwood in California and not in Oregon." Ainsley said.

"And we're in business. We'll be back with more Capital Beat after this." Mark said.

XXXXXXXXX

What do you think of this alternative POV as opposed to what we saw in the canon episode?


	2. I'm not throwing away my shot

DISCLAIMER:

1) I don't own anything related to the West Wing.

2) The story title 'The Best of Wives and the Best of Women' is a tribute to Lin Manuel Miranda's (LMM)Hamilton song of the same name.

3) The Chapter title is inspired by the Hamilton song My Shot by LMM.

4) This takes place in the context of 'In this White House' (season 2 ep 4) 'And surely it's to their credit' (season 2 ep 5).

ratings and warnings: SFW - mostly T rating w/ instances of some mature (but not graphic or explicit) themes. Later installments will have Major Character deaths and will be a little more mature.

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*TCH-uh CLUNK. ... EEP. EEP. EEP.* Ainsley popped the Thai takeout leftovers in the microwave as it's spicy sweet aromas blended with the brewing coffee. As she placed her coffee cup next to the coffe maker, she contemplated how the last few days had been a blur, between her phone ringing off the hook with people calling to congratulate her for taking down The White House Deputy Communications Director, Sam Seaborn, on the Capital Beat earlier that week and all of the people, everyone from friends she ran into to strangers who recognized her the street, who had congratulated her everywhere she went after it aired. Bruce already sent the tape to an agent he knows. Apparently, she was able to make that Taylor Reid, who started out as a bartender according to Bruce, into a Cable TV household name. Even Mama called, which was a surprise because she was in the middle of preparing for the Mary Margaret Foundation's Spring Fling Gala, the organization's second biggest fundraiser of the year, on top of raising her siblings and running a proper southern household. That phone call meant more to her than all of the other ones, but the biggest surprise was when the White House called.

Ainsley Hayes considered all of this as she got ready for her appointment at the White House. Figures that this administration would call her in for creaming their golden boy on national television, just minutes after she overheard him and the host, Mark Gottfried, and Sam Seaborn say that she was 'in show business' because she was a 'young, blond, leggy Republican' and that it '… turned out that they didn't know anything.' And to top all that off was Mark Gottfried's display of mansplaining when he told her ' _Don't overreach ….. Don't try to do too much. Don't try to know more than you do. My show is not the place or you to become a star… You'll be opposite Sam Seaborn. He's done the show a couple dozen times; the White House wouldn't keep sending him if he didn't keep wiping the floor with whoever's in your chair.'_ Little did he know he was talking to Ainsley Hayes, who had been defying expectations her whole life.

As bizarre as it seemed for the White House administration to call her so they could reprimand her for beating Sam Seaborn on TV, she could not think of another explanation for them to do so. ' _Well, God help the poor souls who dared to harass a member of the Hayes family, even if it was the White House. Between Mama and Daddy, but especially Mama, the White House would have so many lawsuits that Bartlet probably would not be able to run for reelection.'_

After she finished her eggs and brushed her teeth at 7:30 am, she grabbed a hazelnut latte and a peach muffin with cream cheese at the coffee shop below her Alexandria apartment and caught a cab to the White House. And as insane the last few days had been, none of that compared with what came next.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

As The White House Chief of Staff's Secretary, Margaret, escorted her out of the office, the whirlwind of the events that had occurred over the course of the week were replaced with Leo McGarry, the White House Chief of Staff, offering her a job and then later concluding with, "The President likes smart people who disagree with him. He wants to hear from you. The President's asking you to serve. And everything else is crap."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the daylight outside faded, darkening the room, Sam's blue eyes gazed at her for a moment as she studied a picture on the wall outside Leo's office. "Hi."

She spun around and said, "Hi." She resumed studying the picture for a moment as he checked his watch and sat on the edge of the desk. They hung there in the awkward silence again for a few more moments, when he took a deep breath and said "You know, something you forgot to mention about the 95 percent of the money going straight into the classroom and past the pork-barrel buffet is that the school only got the money if they agreed not to distribute condoms."

"Well that's a reason to veto it, 'cause the thing our public schools need more than anything else right now're free condoms. I'd definitely make that priority one." She said.

Josh swaggered in. "Hey, Sam."

"Hey."

"Where's Leo?"

"He's not here." She answered.

Josh studied her for a moment. "You look familiar to me." And then, in a mock hillbilly, Southern accent, he said, "You're Aimsley Hayes!"

"Ainsley, uh, with an 'n'." Ainsley politely corrected, no longer phased by northerners' preconceived notions of southerners, especially when the southerner in question is a female Republican. But when that female Republican is a retired Naval Fighter Pilot with a JD-MBA from Harvard and a Bachelor's in Foreign Affairs and Economics with a double minor in Arabic and Chinese from Smith College, their preconceived notions are thrown for a tailspin.

"She works here now." Sam was exasperated. _'I can't believe that we hired someone this unqualified and idiotic_.'

"What?" Josh inquired.

"Leo hired her." Sam spat.

"What're you talking 'bout?" He slightly tilted his head.

"Leo hired her." Sam repeated with bitter emphasis. "Leo hired her. He told me and C.J., he was waiting to tell you and Toby."

Josh's brow furrowed. "What was he waiting for?"

"How the h*** do I know, Josh?" Josh and Ainsley could taste the bitterness in Sam's words as he threw up his hands up.

Ainsley explained. "Waiting until he hired me, which he hasn't done, 'cause I'm not taking the job."

Josh raised his eyebrows and creased his forehead. "You're not taking the job?"

"No." Ainsley replied. "But thank you for talking to me, instead of about me." as Sam flinched.

"Hey, I'm still back on he offered you the job, but you're not taking the job?" Josh was taken aback.

"No, man, why participate in the process when you can get a job commenting on it?" Sam walked to the doorway.

"You think I don't want to work here because I can get a better gig on Geraldo?" Ainsley said. "Gosh, let's see if there could possibly be any other reason why I wouldn't want to work in this White House? ... This White House that feels that government is better for children than parents are. … That looks at forty years of degrading and humiliating free lunches handed out in a spectacularly failed effort to level the playing field and says, 'Let's try forty more.' … This White House that says of anyone that points that out to them, that they are cold … and mean … and racist, … and then accuses Republicans of using the politics of fear. … This White House that loves the Bill of Rights, all of them - except the second one."

' _Oh boy, she just said the magic word.'_ Josh thought.

Sam's eyes went ablaze with blue fire as he spoke in a soft, livid tone in regards to the shooting at Rosslyn that had happened two months ago. "This is the wrong place to talk about guns right now. I thought your column was idiotic."

Ainsley replied. "Imagine my surprise."

Sam's emotions escalated as he stepped towards her. "But for a brilliant surgical team and two centimeters of a miracle, this guy's dead right now. From bullets fired from a gun bought legally. They bought guns, they loaded them, they drove from Wheeling to Rosslyn, and until they pulled the trigger, they had yet to commit a crime. I am so off-the-charts tired of the gun lobby tossing around words like 'personal freedom' and no one calling 'em on it. It's not about personal freedom, and it certainly has nothing ta do with public safety. It's just that some people like guns."

"Yes, they do." Ainsley replied in a soft voice. "But you know what's more insidious than that? …. Your gun control position doesn't have anything to do with public safety, and it's certainly not about personal freedom. ... It's about you don't like people who do like guns. ... You don't like the people. ... Think about that, the next time you make a joke about the South."

"How can you stand by your Party after you were shot at Rosslyn?"

"I wasn't shot by a gun. An inanimate object didn't unlock the safety, aim, and then shoot at me. I was shot by a hideous, unenlightened, and racist Klan member when I took a bullet for my best friend."

Toby poked his head in amidst the awkward silence as Sam stood there at a loss for words. "Where's Leo?"

"What?" Sam was still focused on Ainsley.

"Where's Leo?"

"We don't know."

A young man, who Ainsley presumed to be Charlie Young, walked in to hand Toby a piece of paper. "Charlie, you seen Leo?" Josh asked just before Toby handed the paper to him, who handed it to Sam before they headed to the Oval Office.

' _Wow_ , _this is the room where it all happens._ ' Ainsley thought as she watched President Bartlet, his advisors, The Senior Staff, and President Nimbala handle the International AIDS Health Crisis from the doorway of the Oval Office. Ainsley realized that Mary Margaret would have told her to set aside her differences with this administration and to take the job because they were still patriots. Regardless of their backgrounds or ideologies, they were all Americans. As Mary Margaret had always reminded her, ' _Just 'cause someone disagrees with you doesn't mean they're bad people.'_ And she needed to learn that lesson if she was going to be President someday.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The restaurant's warm lighting stood in contrast with the dark, rainy night.

"Ainsley!" A curly redhead named Harriet, one of Ainsley's roommates, cheerily said as Ainsley sat down at the restaurant table.

"Hey." said the brunette man named Bruce, their other roommate, who was seated next to her.

"Bruce was just telling me."

"I couldn't resist." Bruce piped in.

"He said they tried ta hire you." Harriet said, eager to hear more.

"Tell me about the look on McGarry's face." Bruce's excitement grew.

"What?" Ainsley asked.

"When you said no."

"I, ... um, ... couldn't see him... He had to- he was called in to-" Ainsley averted their eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Ainsley shook her head. "Nothing. He had to- something happened."

"Uh, damn. I wanted you to say it to his face. I wanted to see..." Bruce interrupted as Ainsley looked towards him.

"I hate these people." Harriet added.

"Did you meet anyone there who isn't worthless?" Bruce laughed.

"Don't say that." Ainsley quietly insisted.

"Did you meet anyone there who has any-?" he continued with a smile on his face.

Ainsley looked him in the eye. "I said don't say that. Say they're smug and superior, say their approach to public policy makes you want to tear your hair out. Say they like high taxes and spending your money. Say they want to take your guns and open your borders, but don't call them worthless. At least don't do it in front of me."

Bruce and Harriet looked at each other in disbelief as Ainsley stood up to speak in opposition. "The people that I have met have been extraordinarily qualified, their intent is good. Their commitment is true, they are righteous, and they are patriots." She tears welled up in her eyes as she thought back to President Nimbala and how truly privileged she is to be an American citizen. "And I'm their lawyer." She concluded with fierce conviction as her graceful exit rendered them speechless.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later that night, while the clicking of Ainsley's shoes on the marble floor echoed in his mind, Sam replayed the moment when Ainsley quoted him from when he called her a 'young, blond, leggy, Republican' and he felt like an asshole for it. He was ashamed of his behavior, knowing that his mom raised him to respect women. And, although he couldn't explain why, he felt ashamed because he had disrespected Ainsley Hayes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

*Thumclick. Thumclick. Thumclick.* Ainsley heard the sound of footsteps coming towards her office as she worked at her desk in her dimly lit office.

"Leo?" Ainsley called out.

 _*_ Chilump.* The door slammed open.

"Mr. Tribbey." Ainsley said as she stood up and then briefly glanced down.

"I see they've found you an office." Lionel said as he looked around.

"Such as it is."

Tribbey turned to look at her. "Good men and women have worked in whatever room was available in this building, and have done so without complaint."

"I don't believe you heard me complain, Mr. Tribbey."

"I believe I did, Miss Hayes. Now, why don't you tell me what this is all about?"

"Sir?"

"These people here are trying to do something. I'll have their backs while they're trying. What are you doing here?" He jabbed his finger in her face.

"Serving my country."

"Why not join the Navy?" He mocked.

"I've already done that, Sir. And now, I've been asked to do this."

"And you said yes."

"Yes."

"Why?" Tribbey questioned.

"I feel a sense of duty."

"I'm sorry?"

"I said, 'I feel a sense of duty'." She repeated as her emerald eyes pierced through him. "What, did ya just walk outta The Pirates of Penzance?"

"Sir?"

"Why, he's an Englishman." He sang.

" 'He is an Englishman' is from H.M.S. Pinafore." She corrected.

"It's from Penzance. Don't tell me about Gilbert and Sullivan." ' _I thought Southern women didn't talk back to men.'_ He paused. "It's from Penzance or Iolanthe... one of the ones about duty."

"They're all about duty. And it's from Pinafore." She corrected him again. ' _I probably should have just let it go but the musical theater kid in me couldn't help it.'_

"Miss Hayes..."

"Is it so hard to believe, in this day and age, that someone would roll up their sleeves, set aside partisanship, and say, 'What can I do?' " She gestured towards herself.

He smirked in disbelief. "Yes."

Tribbey threw up his hands in resignation and broke the awkward silence. "I want you to go up to the Hill this afternoon and I want you ta talk to the Associate Majority Counsel at Government Affairs."

"You're sending me to the Associate Counsel 'cause I speak Republican."

"Yes. Two staffers in the Communications Office - Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline - testified at Governmental Affairs that the White House couldn't produce the Rockland memo because the White House didn't have the Rockland memo."

"But I'm guessing that we have it?"

"Yes." *Plop*. He dropped a folder on her desk. "Read about it, then fix it."

"I will... And thank you for asking me."

"Yeah." He snarled before he left her office.

"Mr. Tribbey?" She said as he turned around in the doorway. "I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment. Any advice you could give me ... that might point me ... the way of success ... would be, ... by me, ... appreciated."

Tribbey paused for a moment and then sarcastically said, "Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right direction."

She looked back down at her desk. "Yeah."

As he walked out, she said, "The President's way too moderate for your taste."

Lionel Tribbey walked back in. "Excuse me?"

"On affirmative action, capital gains, public schools, free trade..." She continued, looking him in the eye. "You left a lucrative practice in Chicago and a seven-figure income….. It wasn't out of duty?"

' _Well, maybe I was wrong about her.'_ He thought as he walked towards the stairs as Ainsley recalled Leo's words from earlier when he said "Ainsley, don't worry about Sam or Josh and Toby or C.J. or the Democrats on the hill or Republicans on television. You're here to serve the President. Anyway... welcome to the White House." And with that, she immediately got to work on the Rockland memo.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _*Eeek erk... eekkkk erk-erk...*_ Ainsley passed Donna as she fixed the sputtering printer in the Bullpen.

'I don't think this day could get any worse. All I want to do right now is cry over ice cream and brownies doused in Kahlua or Bailey's. But while it might be easier, I won't do that under any circumstance. No matter what.' Ainsley thought as she walked through the bullpen, replaying the disaster of the meeting with Brookline and Joyce in her mind. But nonetheless, she was shocked that they didn't understand the importance of manners and how writing a quick apology note for claiming that the White House didn't have the Rockland Memo when they did have it, which was negligence at best, was the politically and socially savvy thing to do.

"Hey!" Sam followed Ainsley as she walked out of the bullpen in a cream wool coat.

"Hey."

Ainsley turned towards Sam. "Hey."

"Did you talk to Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline?"

"Yes, I did."

"See, I was told you were just gonna be working in the Majority Counsel's office, which I wasn't wild 'bout to begin with, but it's my understanding I'd be talking to Brookline an' Joyce, seeing as how they work for me." He said as she looked down for a moment.

She took a deep breath and looked back at him. "I was taking initiative."

"Well, wasn't that spunky of you."

"Sam," _'Pull yourself together. Just hold on a little longer.'_ Ainsley reminded herself on as she was on the verge of tears. "d'ya think there's any chance that you could be rude to me tomorrow? … Tomorrow is Saturday. I will be here... You can call me an' be rude by phone, or you can stop by an' do it in person. … 'Cause I think if I have to endure another disappointment today from this place that I have worshipped, I am gonna lose it. … So if you could wait until tomorrow, I would appreciate it." she said as she successfully held back her tears and then walked away.

Sam's guilt took over as he followed her, first through the lobby and then the hallways that became darker and darker to her dungeon of an office. "Ainsley, I'm sorry for what…." he rehearsed over the faint sound of her heels reverberated through the hallway. ' _I didn't even know this part of the White House existed. It sure is dark and dingy down here. ... Wait why do I care? It's Ainsley's office. Ainsley Hayes, the Republican who humiliated me on national tv. I'm not bothered at all by the fact that her office is all the way down here.'_ he thought as he listened to the churning of the boiler, which oddly sounded like Donna's printer.

"Ainsley?" He yelled over the boiler. "Look..." He paused in the doorway. "Can I talk to you for a minute? … All I was really trying to say—" Sam stood speechless as he read the card attached to a vase of dead flowers that said 'BITCH'.

"Who did this?" he uttered under his breath. "Who did this?" his temper escalated.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

"Don't worry about it..." Ainsley said as she brushed it off and walked around her desk towards her chair.

"Who sent you this?" He examined the handwriting.

"Don't worry about it..."

"Ainsley?"

"Sam..."

"How'd your meeting end up going with Brookline and Joyce?" He looked at her face.

Ainsley fought back tears. "It went great, Sam. ...I talked to them for a couple minutes, and I think that—"

*Thu-bang!* The door slammed open as Sam stormed out of the office.

"Sam!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josh and Toby watched Sam storm back into the bullpen, still fuming as much as he had been 30 minutes ago. This level of anger was reserved for when someone went after one of his own, like when Lillenfield had attempted to expose their boss Leo's addiction problems. Which was why he was really confused when he found out that Sam was so angry on behalf of that Hayes girl.

Sam stood in Toby's office doorway. "After Ainsley discussed the Rockland memo with Brookline and Joyce, they put this on her desk." *CLA-dassshhh!* Sam explained with fury in his voice as threw down the dead flowers onto Toby's desk. "So I fired them."

Josh and Toby sat there silently as Sam paused and then continued to rant. "Josh, she works here. There could have been a lawsuit against us." Sam asserted and paused again. "Josh, this isn't me being the knight in shining armor so I can get the beautiful girl or something..."

' _Huh_?' Josh thought.

 _'That's exactly what it's about._ ' Toby thought.

Sam continued. "This is about professionalism."

"Dude, we didn't say anything. That's all you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Ainsley nimbly walked down the dimly lit maze to her office the following morning, a hazelnut latte and a peach muffin in hand, she had this strange feeling that she wasn't alone. Then she noticed framed Gilbert and Sullivan posters on her wall she could hear the faint sound of "He's an Englishman" playing in her office. When she opened the door, she found CJ, Toby, Josh and Sam singing, more posters on the walls and fresh flowers on her desk. At that moment she realized that despite their differences, she had been accepted as part of the team.


	3. Mr Konanov Goes to Washington

Mr. Konavov goes to Washington

Disclaimer

1) I don't own anything related to the West Wing.

2) The title 'The Best of Wives and the Best of Women' is inspired by Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton song of the same name.

3) The Chapter title references Frank Capra's 1939 film 'Mr. Smith goes to Washington'.

4) This chapter takes place in the Lame Duck Congress episode.

SFW - mostly T rating w/ instances of some mature (but not graphic or explicit) themes. Later installments will have Major Character deaths & will be a little more mature.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

' _God the peanut brigade's gonna be the death of me.'_ Leo thought as he entered his office where his staff waited for him as Sam said " Leo-"

Leo cut him off. "There'll be an editorial in The Post tomorrow." The door slammed behind him as he walked over to his desk and C.J., Sam, and Josh became irate as Toby sat back and jotted down notes.

"You're kidding me?" C.J. exclaimed with a leather binder in her hand. ' _I'm gonna kill Danny.'_

" 'The President's time isn't being used efficiently.' "

"It couldn't wait?" C.J. asked as she and Josh moved up closer to Leo's desk.

" 'Schedules are abandoned before lunchtime.' " Leo continued as C.J. rested her hand on the reddish brown leather armchair in front of his desk.

 _'They have a point.'_ Toby thought.

"That's four in two weeks." C.J. said through clenched teeth.

" 'The West Wing resembles a high school yearbook office.' …. And I believe I am compared to a substitute teacher." Leo continued from behind his desk.

"That's ridiculous." Sam said with his hands on his hips.

"No, it's not." Leo said.

"Leo-"

' _Seriously they're like children._ ' Leo thought. "Certainly not based on the display I just saw in there. So, new rules. You need an answer from the President, you need to brief him on something, you want him the way in; I wanna see a summary on my desk. Absolutely no longer than two pages. An' I want my initials on it before y'go into the Oval Office." Leo insisted.

"Leo." Sam was shocked. 'Are you kidding me? Two pages?'

"A two-page summary's gonna kinda cramp our style." Josh whined.

' _Maybe y'shoulda thought of that before treated this like the frat house's fundraising committee.'_ Toby thought.

"Your style could use a little cramping. Are we understood?"

"Yes." They grumbled.

"Toby, Sam, take some meetings on the Hill tonight. Toby, concentrate on votes that can be lost with Stensen gone. Sam, dangle reservations in front of them. C.J. start the leak."

"Oh, anybody happens to see Vasily Konanov in the hallways, walk in the other direction." Leo instructed as they made their way to the door before they left.

"I can't unleash my full potential in a two-page summary." Sam bemoaned as they turned the corner.

 _'It's not about unleashing your full potential. It's about not writing a dissertation when you just need a synopsis.'_ Toby thought. _'Y'know this is why Republicans complain about the inefficiency of Big Government.'_

"Listen ta me." Toby said as they passed through the Roosevelt Room. "I'm gonna meet with Fox and Fowler. Sam, you're gonna go to the Hill."

"Do you think with Stensen gone-?"

"I think with Stenson gone I can get Fox and Fowler to loosen up some votes. ….. That is if I can ever get'em ta order lunch off of the damn menu."

"They don't order-?"

"You've never seen grown men order lunch like this. Fox and Fowler'll loosen votes." _'Then again I've also never seen two grown men complain about the need for efficiency before now either.'_ Toby continued as they entered the Bullpen. "Sam, you're up on the Hill dropping we'll consider reservations. It is not out of the realm of possibility that that meeting gets us eight votes."

"Their bosses wanna talk to the President, he's sitting by the phone." Josh added as they stood outside Toby's and Sam's offices.

"So this is not an unimportant meeting."

"Okay, just so you know, I also have to take a 22-page position paper and summarize it in two pages. It's gotta be done some time today."

' _Yes, we know, Sam._ ' Toby thought.

"You can staff that, give it to Ainsley Hayes." Josh suggested.

"I can't give it to Ainsley. She's…"

"Get over it." Toby muttered.

"Okay, but there are gonna be nine different jokes 'cause I asked her for help."

 _'If you wanna tell yourself that's your issue with it, then okay.'_ Toby thought. " 'Reservations'... that's the word you're dropping when you're on the Hill. You're not to leave the meeting in the wind. Just say the word."

"Yeah."

They started for their offices when Toby said "Oh." They paused in the Bullpen. "Let's be able to end this day by telling the President that he's in striking distance and he should seriously consider the session... Let's be able to do that." _'That is if the two stooges can pull themselves together.'_ "Where's C.J.?"

"Looking for a reporter to leak the story to." Josh answered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

*Click, Click, Click.* The dainty sound of heels reverberated through the bullpen towards his office.

Ainsley knocked on Sam's door. "Excuse me?"

Sam looked up from his desk. ' _God she's beautiful.'_ he thought. "Yes."

"This is your office?" She inquired as her hips swung through the doorway.

"Yes."

"It's very nice, Sam."

"Thank you."

"You can see sunlight and you have a window that can be opened for ventilation." She sat on the edge of his cherrywood bookshelf. ' _A Gadsen flag? That's not something you see_ every day _, especially in a Democrat's office. I mean you rarely see it in most Republicans' offices, but I never expected to see one in a Democrat's office.'_

He stood up. "You wanna work, or d'ya wanna decorate my office?"

"You called me?"

"Yes, I need your help." He straightened the papers on his desk.

"Really?"

"Let's not a big deal out of it."

"No, it's sweet that you need my help." She drawled as she pretended to dial her cell phone.

"I don't need your help. I'm asking for your help so let's not make a federal..." Sam clarified.

"Dad, it's me. Sam's asking for my help." Ainsley said.

"Put the phone down." Sam flipped through documents. ' _Well at least she didn't actually call her dad_.' Sam assured himself.

"Gotta go, Dad, I need to help Sam." Ainsley closed her phone.

"That must have'em rollin' in the aisles back in Georgia."

 _'The South, it's all the same to them isn't it?'_ Ainsley thought. "I'm from North Carolina."

"Wherever it was you studied baton twirling."

' _Baton twirling? Ha. Nope.'_ "That'll be Smith College, Harvard Law School, and Officer Candidate School."

 _'Damn that's sexy.'_ He thought. "Yes, so here's the thing—" They walked out through the Bullpen.

"Y'need my help."

"A favor." Sam corrected.

"Okay." ' _A sexual favor? Please? ... just kidding... but really.'_

"I have a position recommendation for the President regarding an amendment to a Congress bill." He showed her the memo. "This memo's 22 pages long and Leo's on a streamlining kick."

"You want me to summarize your recommendation and give it to the President." she said as they entered the hallway.

"Yeah. And then I want you to skip ta Tijuana in a dirndl skirt."

She rolled her eyes. "Sam."

"Summarize it and you give it to me."

"Fine."

"Thank you." Sam handed her the memo as her smile glittered at him. ' _God, what I would do to see that smile.'_ he thought. _'Forgive me, God, but I would probably make a deal with the Devil if I had to.'_

"In exchange for?"

"No."

Ainsley handed it back to him. "Then my schedule's pretty tight." ' _I'm really hungry, I think I'm gonna stop by the Mess on my way back to my office.'_

His heart sank as she walked away. "In exchange for what?"

Determination seeped out of her eyes. "You're goin' to the Hill?"

"Yes."

"To take meetings on the Test Ban Treaty?"

"Yeah."

"I wanna go."

"No." He walked into the lobby.

"Why?" She begged.

" 'Cause." ' _Ok- no. Put your foot down, Sam._ '

"Ughhh!" She threw her head back in frustration.

"Ainsley?"

"I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna spill anything. I'm not gonna get Republican juice on you."

' _Please get your Republican juice on me._ ' Sam wished.

"I'm just gonna sit there an' learn." Ainsley continued.

"What?"

"From the master, Sam, ... I wanna learn ... from the master." She drawled with a twinkle in her voice.

Sam stopped walking as he suppressed the temptation. "You see, … women think that kinda thing works, but it doesn't."

Their attraction radiated between them when she stepped closer towards him and whispered, "It really does, Sam."

He succumbed to the spell that was Ainsley Hayes. "I let you come to the Hill, you'll summarize my memo?" ' _What's happening to me?'_

"I'll use punctuation and everything. You might even get extra credit."

"Ainsley..."

"Have you eaten lunch?"

"No."

"I brought my lunch from home."

"That's fine."

"I ate it already."

"That's fine, too." He furrowed his brow.

"Did ya bring your lunch from home?"

"Ainsley, what the h***—?"

"D'ya think you'll be eatin' it?"

He summoned all of his willpower. "You can't have my lunch." ' _Seriously, what the h***'s happening to me?'_

"Okay." She sighed.

'Well I guess I - no, stay strong. I'm not giving her my lunch.' Sam thought. "Meet me in the lobby in an hour."

"Okay." She said as he handed her the memo before she passed Josh on the way to her office.

"I'm helpin' her out." Sam boasted to Josh.

' _We gotta get Vasily outta the driveway stat.'_ Josh thought. "Good." He replied to Sam. _'If only Leo would let me talk to him.'_

"Y'know…"

"We've got a problem." Josh interrupted him.

"What?"

"Konanov."

"He's here?"

"In a manner of speaking." Josh knocked on Leo's door.

"Leo?"

"Yeah."

They entered the office as Leo reviewed documents. "How y'doing?"

"Good."

"Vasily Konanov is in the driveway, he's drunk, and he won't get out of the car until he speaks to the President."

Leo's eyes widened as Sam said, "And we have a winner."

Leo took off his glasses. "Are y'kidding me?" ' _Are you freaking kidding me?!'_

Josh continued. "He's sittin' in the car with a woman who I imagine is either a security attache or a hooker."

' _God, please don't let it be Laurie…and if it is please don't let Ainsley find out.'_ Sam's face went white with dread. "Please, tell me it's not…"

"It's no one you know, Sam."

' _Oh thank God.'_ Sam thought.

"Have you spoken to him?" Leo inquired.

"I'm not allowed to speak to him. I've walked by the car a couple of times, to see what was what." Josh answered as Leo peeked through the blinds. "Leo, we've got to move him. Tourists are going to start to ask questions and Boris and Natasha are going to answer them."

"You now have permission to talk to him. Put'im in an office, dry him out, an' explain why he can't see the President."

"Good." Josh replied.

"Avoid the situation room." Leo instructed on Josh's way out.

"Good safety tip." Josh quipped.

"What?" Leo asked Sam.

"I'm gonna take Ainsley to the Hill with me for the meetings."

"Good." ' _He's pulling up his big boy pants, thank God.'_ Leo thought as he sorted through his papers.

"She wants me to teach her a couple of things."

"Good."

"She called me the master."

"Get out." Leo glared at Sam. ' _Is Sam attracted to Ainsley?'_

"Okay." Sam left Leo's office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam and Ainsley sat on one side of the desk in the Capital building office while the Republican Senator's staffers, who Sam had named Moe, Larry, and Curly, sat on the other side. "This is my fifth…" Sam started.

"Sam…"

Sam continued. "This is my fifth meeting in a row, it's my last meeting on the Hill and I want to know what it's going to take for your boss to loosen his grip."

"Sam…" Moe said.

"If the Senator moves he frees up eight maybe ten votes. He gives political cover to those who…"

"Why should he move?"

Sam chuckled. "We'll go past it's the right thing to do and…"

"You know, Sam, this is not a holy thing." Curly said.

"Let's just say…" Sam started.

"No. You guys act like if you're against the Test Ban Treaty then you're bloodthirsty."

The curly haired staffer seated in the middle dropped the paper he was looking over onto his desk before he said, "Senate Republicans aren't the only ones against this."

"Six past Secretaries of Defense, five former CIA directors…" Curly piped in.

"A former Secretary of State and a former National Security Advisor." Moe added.

"31 Nobel Laureates, the chairman of the joint chiefs, 150 countries on this planet, and 82% of people living in this one say the treaty makes the world a safer place." Sam countered.

Larry took a sip of coffee before he corrected Sam. "It's not a safer place if North Korea and Iran are making significant technological improvements while the President's handing out commemorative pens."

' _Exactly_.' Ainsley thought.

"You can't tell me that the chance we take with our ability to verify is not weighed by the chance we take doing nothing at all." Sam reasoned.

'I hate to tell ya Sam, but he's right _._ ' Ainsley thought.

"I've heard all this," Larry said as he rubbed his eye.

"Right, then I'm here to ask you this…"

"Sam." He said.

"I'm here to ask you this: Is there no room for movement?" They all sat in silence. "We'd consider attaching reservations." Sam said.

The staffers looked at each other before Larry said, "If you can't trust a man's word, what good is it to put it on paper?"

"Is there room for movement?"

"You wasted a trip." A staffer said.

"I'll waste more of them."

They packed up their stuff as Larry said, "We're done."

"Yeah." Sam agreed.

"Ainsley, I'm surprised to see you here."

"Why?"

"Well, before you were on Bartlet's payroll you were a fairly vocal opponent of the treaty."

"Well it's President Bartlet, I'm on the government payroll. But just because I'm on the government payroll doesn't mean that my personal stance has changed. And I believe that politics should stop at the water's edge."

"Okay."

"To be honest with you, I think it should stop well before that, but it turns out there's no Santa Claus and Elvis isn't cutting records anymore."

"What'd she say?"

"See, I don't think you think the treaty's bad, I don't think you think it's good." _'I certainly don't think so, but if you had compromised, you coulda made it a little more sensible_.' Ainsley thought. "I think you want to beat the White House."

"Yeah."

Ainsley resisted the temptation to call him Larry, as Sam had dubbed him. "You're a schmuck, Peter. Today, tomorrow, next year, next term, these guys'll have the treaty ratified and they'll do it without the reservations he just offered to discuss with you."

They all started to leave when Ainsley asked, "Can I take this muffin?

"Yeah." Peter grumbled.

*Dah-clunk.* The door closed behind Sam and Ainsley. "You're seriously one of the 18%?"

"Yup."

"Care to explain?" Sam asked as they started down the stairs.

"We need to 'Speak softly but ca-' -"

" 'Carry a big stick'. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. I've heard that before." Sam said _. 'We definitely got the big stick part down.'_ "But do you honestly think we need big nuclear sticks?"

"Countries like North Korea, India, Pakistan, and Iran are gonna develop'em no matter what treaty Congress ratifies."

"If the people in North Korea, India, Pakistan, and Iran wanted to jump off a cliff, would you do it?" Sam mocked as they approached the security desk.

Ainsley glared at him. "No. But unless if you can force India, Pakistan, North Korea, and Iran to sign it, then there's no way to guarantee that they won't develop nuclear arms. Thus signing it renders us defenseless against those countries. Being on an equal footing with those countries would help us prevent those countries from using nuclear arms because they'd know we could use it against them. Whereas signing the treaty with countries like England, France, and Russia allows Pakistan and company to go unchecked."

They deposited their visitor tags in the bin and collected their pagers from security. "You realize that Great Britain, China-"

"Russia and France want the treaty."

"All countries you don't usually see on the same side of things." Sam added. "Not to mention 82% of the people in this country."

"Yes." Ainsley said as Sam held the door for her. "Thank you, Sam."

"Your welcome."

"If Great Britain, Russia, France, China, 31 Nobel Laureates, and 82% of Americans wanted to jump off a cliff, would ya want Congress to ratify a treaty to do it?" Ainsley asked as they went down the Capitol building steps.

Sam rolled his eyes. "No." He replied as Ainsley stepped on a banana peel. "Oh careful, Ainse." Sam caught her in one arm as he caught her muffin with his other hand.

Breaking the eternal moment of silence as Sam held Ainsley, she said, "Thank you, Sam. You saved my muffin." She gazed into his eyes.

"Your welcome." Sam said. ' _Anytime_.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam held the door to the lobby for Ainsley. "Thank you, Sam."

"Your welcome." Sam said." 'Can I have this muffin?' "

"Listen."

" 'Can I have this muffin?' " He repeated.

"I was…"

"I think that you'll discover that the sharpest of closing remarks'll be blunted by asking for a muffin."

"The minute we left that room those guys were calling their bosses saying, 'They're offering to attach reservations, let's jump on it.' "

"I have no problem with that. You did great with the reservations and politics stopping at the water's edge was touching and then you asked permission to have a muffin."

"I was hungry."

' _Oh so now it's my fault.'_ Sam thought. ' _Maybe I should've given - no. Stay strong. There's no humanly possible way you could be hungry when you already had lunch.'_

They walked back into the Communications Bullpen when CJ asked, "How'd it go on the Hill?"

Sam shrugged. "Much as you'd expect. You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think Ramsey, Roanoke maybe even Greys. I think they're gonna vote for it anyway."

"Why?"

" 'Cause Tony Marino's going to tell them to. I just named three Senators that can't get re-elected without labor and Marino may be out of a job but he's still going to swing a big bat with the unions." Sam explained.

"Toby's meeting with him right now."

"Good."

"Do ya think I should give Danny Concannon access for a feature?"

"Yes."

"You're wrong." CJ insisted.

"Okay."

"You should." Ainsley's doll-like figure stepped forward.

"Why?"

Ainsley paused. "He's cute."

' _Is Sam jealous?_ ' CJ noticed Sam flinch. "I'm leaving."

Sam turned to Ainsley. "Do you have my two-page summary?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you have my two-page summary?" He smiled at her.

Ainsley paused. "Yes."

"Could I have it?"

"Yes." She said.

"Thank you." He stepped into his office as she sat on the edge of a desk in the bullpen. After less than a minute, he walked back towards Ainsley. "You reversed my position."

"Yeah."

"I gave this to you to summarize an' you didn't summarize it so much as you reversed my position." He was in utter disbelief.

"I gave it a little polish, yeah!" She said.

"You reversed my position."

"It's shorter." Ainsley shrugged.

"It is shorter and you reversed my position."

"Your position was wrong." Ainsley stood her ground as her emerald eyes bore into his blue eyes.

"Will you step inside, please?" he requested.

"Sure."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley paced back and forth as Sam turned on the desk lamp when the daylight faded from his chair. "Sam, half of America's workforce is employed by small business. That's companies that employ fewer than 100 workers."

"I know what a small business is."

"Then you know that a third of them fail. One-third of all small businesses lose money and fail. Not because of rent hikes, or big businesses squeezing them out, but because of why?"

'God those hands are beautiful.' he thought as she gestured for emphasis.

"Employee fraud." He admitted.

"That's right."

"Yes."

"Why do you say that?" She asked as she sat down.

He looked at her. "You reversed my position." ' _God she's even sexier when she's arguing about politics._ ' he thought.

"Other than that, Sam, other than what you've been saying for the last hour and a half." She asserted.

Sam stood up and walked to the other side of the desk. "I can't believe I'm listening to a Republican tell me the government should run background checks into peak business. In fact, I can't believe I'm listening to a Republican." He sighed out loud as he turned towards her. "Could it possibly be that most of the people you want to fingerprint have darker skin than you do?"

"Well, not to let the facts interfere with a good story, but 80% of violators are white. Fraudulent employees are three times more likely to be married, they're four times more likely to be to be men, 16 times more likely to be managers and executives and guess what, professor, they're five times more likely to have postgraduate degrees."

' _D*** she's smart._ ' "You, ... listen. ... I, ... you know, ... I can't. ... Alright. ... Start from the beginning." He conceded.

'What a very good place to start _...'_ Ainsley was shocked. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Are ya eating that doughnut?"

' _Fine, I give up._ ' "Take the doughnut. Start from the beginning."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _*_ CLAMMM-unk. _*_ Leo's office door closed behind Sam and Ainsley.

 _'Well, that's a first. I don't think I've seen anyone change Sam's mind like that before. Ainsley's got talent, I'm glad we hired her.'_ Leo thought as Ainsley and Sam left the office after they presented the employee fraud memo.

XXXXXXXXXXX

How do you think Larry, Moe, and Curly's feel about Ainsley being in that meeting?


	4. The Lovers, The Dreamers, and Sam

Disclaimer:

1) I don't own anything related to the West Wing.

2) The title 'The Best of Wives and the Best of Women' is inspired by Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton song of the same name.

3) To answer the first question in last week's game, the Chapter title is a nod to Kermit the Frog's Rainbow Connection and is based on The Portland trip episode.

Ratings and warnings: SFW - mostly T rating w/ instances of some mature (but not graphic or explicit) themes. Later installments will have Major Character deaths and will be a little more mature.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

White paper with meaningless words typed in Times New Roman 12 dangled out of Sam's hand as he stared into the abyss from a cream leather armchair aboard Air Force One. ' _I- it… it's not…. good enough.'_ Sam thought as the pilot made an announcement over the intercom. ' _I need to rewrite this….. that is if I can write anymore… I need to find Toby.'_ Sam strode down the hallway.

Sam entered the cabin. "Toby?"

' _Finally_.' Toby reviewed his notes. "Lemme see it."

"Could I talk to you for a sec?"

' _This isn't good.'_ "Is it done?"

"It... it's not... it's not good. It's not going well."

 _'Oh God, not again.'_ "We've had meetings…"

"Yeah, Toby…"

"For the past three weeks!"

"I'm not confused about policy."

"What's the problem?"

Sam's eyes darted. "I'm not writing well. I'm just... I'd rather not distribute this to the pool yet."

' _Oh, so that's what this is about_.' Toby thought as the steward approached the cabin.

"Mr. Ziegler, Mr. Seaborn, do you know what you'd like for dinner?"

Toby closed his notebook with his teeth clenched. "We'll be eating in the conference room. I'll have a club sandwich, Jack Daniels, and ice."

"Mr. Seaborn?"

Sam's exhausted face looked away. "Nothin' for me."

"You have to have something." Toby implored.

"I'm fine."

"Bring'im a club sandwich." Toby requested.

"Yes, sir."

They ambled out of the room as C.J. met them at the foot of the stairs.

"Nice hat." Toby teased C.J about the Notre Dame hat that she wore out of penance for mocking the President's Alma Mater on the eve of a Michigan game.

"Shut up!"

"Sam an' I are gonna work for a little bit, you'll have draft copies to distribute to the press in about three hours."

"It was already distributed."

"W-what d'ya mean?" Sam's eyes burst with panic.

"It was already distributed."

"You have to get it back!" Sam demanded.

"I can't get it back."

"C.J..."

"They know you're polishing it…"

"I'm doing more than polishing it, C.J., you've gotta get it back!" Sam pleaded.

"I'll tell'em there's a new draft an' then you should…"

"You've gotta get the old draft back!" Sam insisted.

"They're not gonna read it!"

"They might."

"So what?"

"It's very bad writing and it's got my fingerprints all over it!" Sam rationalized.

C.J. laughed. "Sam!"

"C.J., try to get it back." ' _It's about more than the Speech or policy changes.'_

 _'Are you serious? That's what this's about?'_ C.J thought.

Toby continued down the hallway before he called to Sam, "C'mon."

"Ms. Cregg, do you know what you'd like for dinner?"

Sam popped back over. "Try to get it back?"

"SAM!" Toby yelled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Read it ta me." Toby paced the conference room.

" 'I'm calling on all Americans, young and old, Democrat and Republican, or none of the above, to make education a national priority.'" Sam read aloud. _'None of the above, what was I thinking?'_

"Okay."

"huh-ugh. 'None of the above.' It's a pedestrian phrase and has no place." Sam made his edits.

"Yeah."

"Also when was education not a national priority before?"

Toby took a deep breath. "Right." He cleared his throat. "It's an easy fix. All we need to do is…" ' _Please, just this once, don't be quick enough to catch that and just go with it.'_

"No."

' _Oh d***, you caught it._ It was worth a shot _.'_ "No what?"

"No, it's not an easy fix." Sam looked Toby in the eye.

' _Great. We're in for a long night.'_ "Sam?"

"This should…"

"Yeah?"

"Oratory should raise your heart rate. Oratory should blow the doors off the place. We should be talking about not being satisfied with past solutions, we should be talking about a permanent revolution." Sam proclaimed. ' _Maybe he won't notice_.'

 _'Sam's really lost it if he's quoting mass-murdering communists.'_ Toby paused. "Where have I heard that?"

"Permanent revolution?"

"Yeah."

Sam averted Toby's eyes. "I got it from a book."

"What book?"

"The Little Red Book." Sam whispered.

Toby raised his eyebrows. "You think we should quote Mao Tse-tung?"

 _'Okay_ , _he noticed.'_ Sam thought. "We do need a permanent revolution."

"Still, I think we'll stay away from quoting Communists."

"You think a Communist never wrote an elegant phrase?"

"Sam…"

"How d'ya think they got everyone to be Communists?"

 _'Ok, he has a point there.'_ Toby thought. "Huh-ugggggghhhhhh. Let's take a walk." Toby walked around the table towards the door.

"Toby, you're the one for the last six months who's been saying we need a radical approach…"

Toby raised his voice. "Yes, yes I have, and I got shouted down in every meeting! I'd love to write a speech about a radical new approach to education, but we don't have one! So unless we can come up with an idea and implement it before land in Portland, I'd prefer not to paint a picture in the interest of great oratory." Toby exhaled. ' _Save your oratory skills for professing your love to Ainsley.'_ Toby thought on his way to the door. "Huh-ughhh. Let's take a walk."

"Can't great oratory inspire an idea that can be implemented?"

"We had six months. We're not doing it half-assed, we're not doing it tonight. Let's go."

"Where?" Hopelessness rang in Sam's words.

Toby opened the door. "Up and down the plane, get the blood flowing."

"Mao knew how ta get the blood flowing." Sam muttered.

"Let's go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sat in an armchair as Toby stood up when The President embarked on one of his philosophical rants. "You don't like late flights?"

 _'Ugh C.J. didya have to bring up long flights?'_ Toby thought.

' _I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I was just asking on behalf of a reporter.'_ "No, I was just repeating-" She and Bartlet joined them in the cabin.

"A long flight across the night? You know why late flights are good? Because we cease to be earthbound and burdened with practicality. Ask the impertinent question. Talk about the idea nobody has thought about yet." He pointed to Sam. "Put it a different way."

Sam pondered for a moment before his blue eyes smiled. "Be poets."

"If you absolutely must." Bartlet leaned forward.

"Tell Toby."

"Sam…"

"He doesn't wanna use the phrase 'permanent revolution.' "

"In education?"

"Yes."

"Mr. President…"

"Mao took a lot of long plane flights, Toby. Look out your window. Is there anything more romantic than that?" Bartlet pointed out the window.

"Aannnddd … that's why we left at 9:05?"

"No," He turned to C.J. "we left at 9:05 because they thought my budget meeting might run over. But wouldn't that have been great if that was the reason?"

Sam looked up. "Yes."

C.J. shook her head at Sam. ' _You're such a romantic. And have no idea how hard you've fallen for her. Just go get her already.'_

The President looked to Toby. "You don't like "permanent revolution"?"

The phone rang. "It's a nifty phrase, but I think if we call for a permanent revolution, people are, ... y'know, ... gonna expect one." Toby reasoned. ' _Then again, they're used to unfilled campaign promises so who knows.'_

Charlie stood in the doorway with the phone. "Mr. President?"

"We're flying, Toby. Live a little." He walked over to Charlie. "Yeah?"

"Mr. McGarry."

"Oh, Leo, just take the d*** boat…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam collapsed into the plush leather chair on Air Force One with his cold, uneaten sandwich in his hand when thoughts of Ainsley and his guilt for missing their standing dinner date flooded his mind. Well, 'date' wasn't the right word. That would imply that they were in a relationship, which was definitely not the case. She was just his friend and colleague. One who's cheeks he desperately wanted to cradle in his hands so he could feel her silky, lily-white skin against as he kissed her. A colleague who's hair he longed to see splayed out on his navy blue pillowcase as he lost himself in the depths of her eyes. _'What the heck? What am I thinking? It would be unprofessional. And besides, she's a Republican. It would ruin both of our careers. But nonetheless, I just wish we could have had our purely platonic, professional standing dinner appointment so I could pretend to protest when she stole my fries, and sometimes my dinner, and engage her in heated debates. It's just…. everything about her amazes me, like how she put Larry, Moe, and Curly in their place and then took their muffin and even the way she changed my mind me on small business fraud.'_

President Bartlet, C.J, and Charlie entered the cabin again as they continued to discuss their pilot education program.

"Ainsley..." A sleeping Sam muttered.

"If anyone ever wanted a definition of love, they got one right here." The President referenced the Marriage Recognition Act's Federal definition of marriage as he took Sam's sandwich out of his drooping hands and then gestured to the overhead bins. "Charlie and C.J., could ya get a blanket and pillow from overhead?"

"Yes, Mr. President." C.J. handed the President a blanket that he draped over Sam as Charlie put the pillow under Sam's head.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

What do you think of this take on why Sam was having trouble writing the speech?


	5. There's a million things I haven't done

ETA: The only changes that I made is that I combined both parts of the There's a Million Things I Haven't Done chapter into one posting.

Disclaimer:

1) I don't own anything related to the West Wing.

2) The title 'The Best of Wives and the Best of Women' is inspired by Lin Manuel Miranda's (LMM) Hamilton song of the same name.

3) To answer the first question in last week's game, the Chapter title 'There's a Million Things I Haven't Done' is a nod to a line in the song Alexander Hamilton from LMM's musical Hamilton.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

*Click. Click. Click.* Ainsley strode pass the chaos of the Communications Bullpen. ' _It was too good to be true. Why did I think that President Bartlet 'wanted to hear from me', as Leo had said? Bruce and Harriet were right. They just wanted to say that they were bipartisan. Or maybe they wanted to be bipartisan but changed their minds.'_ Regardless, she was determined to return to the White House one day because she still had a million things to do for the country.

She arrived in the waiting room outside the Oval Office while Charlie filed paperwork at his desk. "The President will see you now." He informed her as he opened the door.

 _'That's not the look I would expect to see from someone who knew I was about to be fired.'_ she thought.

The soft mid-afternoon autumn sunlight streamed through the windows as she entered the Oval Office. ' _This isn't how I wanted to meet the President of the United States._ ' She held back tears.

The President looked up from his copy of the Washington Post and motioned for her to sit across from him. 'This is an awfully casual way to fire someone.'

"So Ainsley Hayes- did I say it right? I heard that some of the staff did not say it right initially. How do you like it here so far?"

' _It's okay, you'll be back. And next time, this'll be your office._ ' Ainsley stiffened as she looked down. "It has been a pleasure and an honor to serve you, Sir."

"I understand you got off to a rough start and that some of the White House staff displayed less than tolerant behavior." The President furrowed his brow. "I apologize for that."

"I'm sorry for all of the trouble I caused, Mr. President." Ainsley said.

"Oh, no matter. Tribbey's always been a hotheaded asshole. He stormed in here screaming with a cricket bat in hand, ranting about how you had been hired during the Radio Address. And from what I understand, Brooks and Thompson, or whatever their names are, should have been fired a long time ago." He said. "But anyway. The reason I called you in here today was that I heard about your plans to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen this Thanksgiving. Would it be all right with you if we – my family, my Senior Staff, and I- joined you?"

' _Wait what?'_ Ainsley thought _. "_ Wait could you repeat that?"

"I asked if we could join you when you volunteer at the Soup Kitchen." Bartlet repeated. "Why? What did you think I was gonna say?"

"It would be an honor, Sir." Ainsley replied.

' _This is definitely not what I expected_.'

"And what are your Thanksgiving dinner plans?"

"My friends and I were gonna go out to eat."

The President was appalled. "At a restaurant? You're spending Thanksgiving with us."

"But sir, I don't wa-"

"Don't be ridiculous. As your Commander in Chief, I order you and your friends to spend Thanksgiving with us."

"Yes, Mr. President." Ainsley obliged.

"So what time on next Thursday?"

"Noon. Dinner starts at 5 pm, so they'll need us ready to go by 1 pm to get ready and it should take around 30 minutes to an hour to get to the Church."

"Noon on Thursday. Got it." He stood up.

Ainsley stood up. "Thank you, Mr. President."

 _This is definitely not what I expected.'_ Ainsley thought on her way out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sat on a couch wearing a black knit sweater as Toby swayed from side to side in a chair across from him in the dimly lit spare office. "Well over three and a half centuries ago, strengthened by faith and bound by a common desire for liberty," Sam read aloud from a notebook as his forearms rested on his knees. "A small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs... and solve crimes."

"Sam…" Toby spun around in his chair with the New York Times crossword in hand.

"It'd be good."

"Read the thing." Toby swiveled his chair back and forth.

"By day, they churn butter and worship according to their own beliefs and by night, they solve crimes."

Toby rolled his eyes. "Read the thing."

"Pilgrim detectives."

Toby raised his eyebrows. "Do you see me laughing?" ' _You're such a child sometimes_.'

"I think you're laughing on the inside."

"Okay." Toby got up.

"With the big hats." Sam perseverated.

C.J entered the office. "Give me the speech." Toby sat next to Sam and the water cooler.

C.J packed up her briefcase as Toby opened his newspaper. "Have either of you heard of... uh, I don't know, ... something, ... the... Jamestown Mayflower Daughters of the American Revolution Preservation Soceity?" She rested one hand on the chair and the other hand on her hip.

' _What did she just say_?' Toby thought. "The Jamestown Mayflower Daughters?"

"I may have gotten the name wrong. They're inviting the White House to participate in some kind of... I dunno, ... Thanksgiving Revolutionary War re-enactment." C.J clarified.

' _May have_?' "C.J., let's not torture American History completely to death." Toby pleaded. 'How'd she get all the way to a Master's degree without an American History course?'

"Who the h*** are...?"

"Jamestown was the 16th century. The Mayflower landed at Plymouth in the 17th century. The Fathers of the Daughters of the American Revolution fought in...?" C.J. threw up her arms as Toby's voice escalated. "The 18th century!"

"It's a festival feast of some kind! Who cares?" C.J fetched her coat.

Sam turned to Toby. "Somebody needs ta learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving."

C.J. stood by the door. "Re-enactments and proclamations and Native American cornhusks hanging contests with native…" She brushed hair out of her face.

"Cornhusks hanging?" Toby asked. ' _And we let her be the spokesperson for this Administration?'_

"Whatever! I'm the Thanksgiving cruise director around here." C.J vented.

"It wasn't like this last year?"

"I wasn't here last year."

"Where were you last year?"

"They sent me home last year. You don't remember me having a 102.7-degree fever and having all kinds of flu-like symptoms?" C.J. explained as Toby rested one foot on the coffee table. ' _Luckily we made it through without one of Josh's secret inflation-fighting plans.'_

"No."

"That's 'cause every time we come up on a holiday, you guys check out like seniors who're done with finals." C.J bemoaned. ' _As evident by the fact that you don't even remember last year's Thanksgiving hoop-la.'_

"We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation."

"And possibly a new action-adventure series." Sam added.

' _Sam_...' "Nobody here has checked out." Toby reassured her.

Josh walked up to the doorway wearing jeans and an unbuttoned red flannel shirt over a white t-shirt. "Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails."

C.J. glared at Toby. ' _An action-adventure series? Nickel flipping?_ '

Toby fiddled with his pen. ' _Hey, don't look at me. I'm not responsible for that. Or that_.'

"I'm going home."

"Have a good night."

"Yeah. Yeah." C.J. passed through the office on her way out as Josh joined Sam and Toby.

"Sixteen times in a row." Josh repeated. *Gllampp.* He his slapped the nickel down. "Yeah!"

' _I swear to God you can't soar with eagles when you're flying with turkeys_.' Toby thought.

"So what time were we thinking for Bros-giving?"

Sam and Toby cringed as they made eye contact. 'You want me to tell him?'

"Listen, ... Josh." Sam hesitated.

"You're bailing on us?"

"Josh," Toby looked at him.

"Ah nah," Josh whined. "Y tu, Toby?"

"We're volunteering at a Soup Kitchen with the First Family, Ainsley, and Senior Staff."

"What about Bros-giving?"

"Josh, I beg of you, please, for the love of God, stop tryin' to make Bros-giving a thing and maybe, uh, I dunno, focus on other people." Toby said.

"Do you have a better name for a Thanksgiving with football, beer, food, and-"

"Don't say it." Sam wished.

"- and bros?"

' _You just can't help yourself, can you?_ ' "Thanksgiving." Toby corrected. "But switch family and friends for 'bros'. And chances are that food was gonna be takeout pizza an' Chinese because Sam doesn't wanna be left wi' all of the cooking."

"So instead of Bros-"

"Don't say it." Toby muttered. ' _Please, please, please don't say it.'_

"-Brosgiving, you're ditching me to volunteer, listen to yam lectures, the Thanksgiving story, and participate in Bartlet's mock Turkey Shoot, like we've done for the last three years?" Josh thought back to their Thanksgivings on the Campaign trail and last year.

"Donna's going." Sam informed Josh.

"Excuse me, fellas." Josh perked up at the sound of Donna's voice. ' _God she's gorgeous._ ' "You're spending Thanksgiving with the Bartlet's?"

"Yes." Donna answered.

' _Okay, I'm in._ ' Josh conceded.

"Anyways back to what I was saying." Donna looked down the hall. "It's okay. You can come in here." "Duh-delump, duh-delump." Her fingers rapped on her binder. When there was no response, she motioned for them to follow her out into the hallway.

*Cleep click clank clap.* They bumped the coffee table on their way out.

"Twee twee gobble gobble twee tweep." Two turkeys in cages gobbled.

"This is Morton Horn. He's from Jasper Farms, Virginia." She introduced them to a shaggy-haired teenager in jeans, a tan jacket, and workboots. "Tell'em what you're doing here, Morton."

' _There are turkeys. In the White House_.' Toby thought.

' _Benjamin Franklin'd be proud_.' Sam thought.

"I'm dropping off the turkeys." He explained.

"He's dropping off the turkeys." Donna repeated Morton.

"What are, uh...?"

"Gobble-gobble-gobble twi-ug-ug."

"Nobody left me instructions. He had a pass for the Northwest Entrance."

"I'm dropping off the turkeys."

"Yeah."

"Where should I put 'em?" Morton clarified.

"Twee chirp cheerp twee."

Toby, Josh, and Sam looked at each other for a moment. ' _C.J's office.'_ They thought before they began to talk over each other.

"C.J.'s office." Josh answered.

"C.J." Sam agreed.

"I'd definitely put'em in C.J.'s office." Josh pointed to C.J's office.

"Good idea." Toby concurred.

"C.J. Cregg's office."

"It's right there."

"Well, C.J.'s office is right there…" Toby added.

"C.J. handles all the…" Josh explained.

"Donna'll show you."

' _Oh, now you're roping me into this nonsense_?' Donna thought.

"Tweegle twee chirp-chirp."

"...birds." Josh finished his sentence.

"C.J."

' _Okay, that's twice that one of you has just said 'C.J.'_ ' Donna thought.

"Yeah."

"Tweep twee gobble tweek gobble-gobble."

"Okay."

"And Morton, Ms. Cregg is gone for the night, uh, an' her office is secure, so you should feel free to let the turkeys outta the cage, and allow them to, y'know, roam freely, as they were meant to do." Toby added.

' _Are ya sure? They don't have a bladder system, so they just poop wherever they are_.' Morton thought.

Josh nodded. "Absolutely."

' _C.J's gonna kick your a**_ _._ ' Donna thought.

"Okay." Morton nodded.

"Okay."

"Twee gobble cheeerpp tweegle twittle." The turkeys gobbled as Morton prepared them to walk off.

"Show her who's slacking off." Josh flipped his nickel again as Donna lead him to C.J's office.

"Pizza?" Toby suggested.

Sam nodded as he and Toby headed back into the office while Bonnie met up with Josh.

"So what do you think? 1 pizza? 2?"

"3." Sam decided. ' _In case Ainsley stops by._ '

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Abbey Bartlet looked around at the cast of characters at their Thanksgiving Dinner, from their children, grandchildren, and her son in law Doug to Dolores Landingham, Jed's secretary, and her husband to Charlie and his sister Deanna, to Leo, Toby, Josh, Donna, C.J, Margaret, and Sam to the Republican Associate White House Counsel and her friends, Bruce and Harriet, as they gathered at the table.

"What are we naming the turkey this year, Dad?" Zoe asked.

"I'm sorry, did ya just ask what the turkey's name is?" Josh asked.

"Yup. You've never heard of that? And you don't remember that from the last few years of spending Thanksgiving with us?"

"He doesn't notice much." Toby explained. "And how about Troy the Turkey?"

C.J rolled her eyes.

"Okay, now they're just asking for an a**-kicking." Donna whispered to Ainsley.

C.J held up her index finger as Toby, Sam, and Josh sat down.

"Yee-owwww!" They jumped out of their thumbtacked and turkey feather-laden seats.

"Next time you'll think before letting two turkeys loose in my office." C.J advised.

XXXXXXXX

Later on that evening, Abbey was amazed at how well Ainsley and her friends fit in as Abbey watched Ainsley beat Jed, Sam and Toby in a long, grueling game of Settlers of Catan before they put on Monty Python and the Holy Grail and ate her homemade spiked apple pie. Everything about Ainsley –from her riding ability to her singing ability to her childhood- continued to surprise her. She also could not help but notice the way that Ainsley and Sam fought over politics, or anything really, reminded her of herself and Jed.

XXXXXXXX

What do you think of this alternative to how Ainsley met the President on the show?

What do you think of C.j's prank?

What do you think of Abbey's perspective?


	6. Take my breath away

Disclaimer

1) I do not own anything related to the West Wing or the pop culture references used in this story (such as the song The Best of Wives and the Best of Women by LMM and the song Take My Breath Away from Top Gun).

SFW - mostly T rating w/ instances of some mature (but not graphic or explicit) themes. Later installments will have Major Character deaths and will be a little more mature.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*Thu-dump!* Josh careened through Sam's office door like the Tasmanian Devil in a suit and tie as daylight faded. "HEY SAM! … Mallory's goin' to the Christmas party with her Caps player boyfriend!" Josh blurted out as Sam read over the rough draft of his memo.

' _This needs to be in active voice_.' He adjusted his glasses.

"SAM!" Josh shouted.

' _Wow, this memo needs a lot of rewriting. I should probably let Ainsley take a crack at it.'_ He crossed out a paragraph with a red pen.

"Mallory's bringin' her NHL player boyfriend to the Christmas Party." _'Why the h*** isn't he bothered by that?'_ Josh thought. "SAM!"

Sam looked up. "Yes?"

"Did ya hear what I said?"

Sam looked back down. "Oh. ... Yeah…. I heard you." Sam traced his fingers along the lines as he read through the memo to mark his place. "And I figured as much."

Josh furrowed his eyebrows. "And you're okay with it?"

Sam put the memo on his desk. "Yup." Sam rolled up the cuff of his white button-down shirt to check his watch. "Hey sorry Josh, I gotta run." Sam got up from his chair. "I'm meeting Ainsley for dinner in the Mess." Josh stood bewildered in the doorway as he left.

"Click clack, clickety clack-clack." Donna typed at her computer. "You can't be that surprised." She pressed save before she looked up. ' _Has he really not noticed?_ ' "Are you really that oblivious?"

"Yes, he is." Toby walked through the Bullpen. 'As per usual.'

"HEY! I'm not clueless! … Sam's had a crush on Mallory forever. So why isn't he upset that Mallory's dating a hockey player?" Josh asked.

"Sam's not in love with Mallory anymore." Donna explained.

"Huh?"

"He loves Ainsley."

' _Sam loves Ainsley? When'd that happen?_ ' "Sam's in love with Ainsley?" Josh shouted.

"Wouldya keep your voice down?" Donna hushed him.

"Sam's in love with Ainsley? … How d'ya know?" Donna glared at him. "What? I whispered that time."

"You really are that oblivious." Donna shook her head as Ginger and Bonnie exchanged looks.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley laid her wool jacket down on the chair in the dressing room. "So how many people do you think'll be at the party? Is Leo's daughter- Mallory I think?- gonna be there?" Ainsley asked through the closed door as she changed out of her hot pink sweater and blue jeans.

"I dunno. Probably. Leo and Bartlet have been friends for years. In fact, Leo and his ex-wife are Zoe's godparents and Jed and Abbey are Mallory's godparents and they were the Best Man in each other's weddings. Why?" Donna searched the racks for dresses.

"Oh... no particular reason." Ainsley tried on a gown.

"Sam's not into her anymore ya know. And she's dating a Caps player."

"I have no problem wi' Sam being interested in her, or any other girl for that matter." She insisted. "He could get married for all I care."

' _Whatever you say_.' "Okay." Donna looked at a navy blue beaded a-line dress on the clearance rack.

"Seriously, Donna. …. Sam and I are just friends, nothing more. I have no feelings for him whatsoever and he has no feelings for me."

"Okay." ' _If you say so.'_

She stepped out of the dressing room in a pale pink gown. "How does it look?"

"It looks nice on you! It's sweet."

"Sweet? I want something that's more than just 'sweet'." Ainsley looked around and found a a red mermaid gown on a mannequin. "Something like this."

"Woah. That's definitely not gonna be sweet." Ainsley found the dress in her size on the rack and stepped into the dressing room and then stepped back out. "How does it look?"

"You're not bad, you're just drawn that way." Donna said.

"Perfect." Ainsley replied.

"You're gonna turn a lot of heads."

Ainsley glared at Donna. "I know what you're thinking, Donna. I just want a showstopper gown. It has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with Sam."

' _Yes, as you've stated many times.'_ "Hey, all I said is you're gonna turn heads. I never said anything about turning Sam's head."

"So will you, Donna. You're gonna be absolutely stunning in that dress."

"You really think so?" Donna queried.

"Yes, Donna. … I really do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The mindless political chatter that Sam was supposed to smile and nod his head to as part of his job description ceased as the delicate and fiery grace of Ainsley Hayes glided into the East Wing ballroom as she dazzled the best political minds as if she were Athena, the Greek Goddess of Wisdom. But what always amazed him was how much they enjoyed being bested by her. He himself enjoyed it, and he always felt this strange sensation of infuriation with something that he could not describe every time they argued. Not only did he enjoy it, but he craved it. Just then, her sparkling eyes and enchanting smile met his as her delicate, doll-like figure sashayed over to him in a skin-tight red dress that caught the attention of every man she passed. "Ainsley… you look …. amazing." He took in the finer details of her beauty, from her eyes to the loosely curled hair that cascaded down her back.

"Well, why thank you, kind sir." She blushed. "You don't look so bad yourself, James Bond." She batted her eyelashes. And he did look good. The James Bond look made her weak at the knees everytime, but not as much as his cornflower blue eyes with tiny sparks did. Everything about him, from the way his mind was always at work to the passion he has for the country, made her smile. ' _He's gonna make some lucky girl very happy one of these days._ ' Ainsley thought when a tall, buff blonde man standing with Peter the Schmuck, the one Sam named Larry from their Test Ban Treaty negotiations, walked over to them. ' _Oh please no, not tonight._ ' Ainsley groaned. "Sam, see that guy walking towards us? He's my ex-college boyfriend. Whatever you do, do not, and I repeat, do not let him bait you. Let me handle him. He's not worth your energy."

' _He's not worth your energy either.'_ Sam tensed his jaw.

"Hey, Ainsley. So you've gone to the Dark Side."

"Hello, Chad." Ainsley infused the air with polite bitterness.

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your 'little' friend?" He gestured towards Sam.

Ainsley glared at him. "Chad Grosso, you know exactly who he is. I know you had lots of head injuries from playing football, but you have a better memory than that." Ainsley said.

"Always sassy and spicy- that's my Ainsley." Chad smirked.

Sam clenched his fist. ' _His Ainsley? Who does this douche monkey think he is?'_ Sam thought as the President and Leo walked towards them.

"Oh you didn't tell your little boyfriend that you used to date real men? So tell me, Ainsley. Are Democrats as good in bed as Republicans? Or are they too passive and wimpy, just like their military policy?" Chad antagonized.

"Excuse me?!" Sam asked.

"Sam, ignore him." Ainsley reminded under her breath.

From across the way, Leo nudged Bartlet and gestured towards Sam and Ainsley. "Jed."

' _I've never seen him this angry.'_ Jed nodded and then he and Leo walked over as Donna, Josh, C.J., Toby, and Charlie followed behind them.

 _'I haven't seen'im this an_ _gry since he found the dead flowers on Ainsley's desk.'_ Toby thought.

' _Oh God, I know that look_.' Leo dreaded.

' _There's no way I'm letting him talk to you like this_.' Sam thought as Leo and Toby positioned themselves between Chad and Sam.

"Is there a problem?" Jed asked.

Leo gave Sam a death glare. "Don't you dare." He ordered Sam under his breath. ' _Because if y'do, Toby and I'll take you out so fast.'_ Sam's temper was ablaze. "Let's take a walk."

"I'm fine."

' _I swear to God, Sam. Don't make me have Secret Service remove you.'_ "No, you're not. You're 'bout to punch'im in the face. Let's go."

"But he deserves it." Sam protested.

"No sh**." Leo said. "But we are men, an' he's a little boy." ' _D'_ _ya think Ainsley'll be impressed by you goin' all West Side Story? '_

"But-"

"Sam." Toby commanded.

"Josh, Charlie." Toby whispered as he gestured for them to come with him.

"Okay." Leo, Toby, Josh, and Charlie surrounded Sam on all sides as they headed over to the bar.

"It's alright, Bartlet. Some people can't carry a Big Stick because just they don't have a Big Stick, just like this Administration."

"First of all, it's Mr. President or President Bartlet to you. Second of all, I respect any disapproval that you may have of my military policy, but don't you dare sexually harass my staff members. Which congressman or senator do you work for?"

"He works for Congressman Walken." Ainsley supplied.

"Congressman Walken, you say?" Jed asked. "Thank you. I'll be right back."

Donna, CJ, Toby, Josh, and Charlie walked over to see what was going on when Bartet momentarily returned with Congressman Walken, who was a big, beefy man. "Glen, this young man, if you can call him a man, here tells me that he works for you, is that correct?" He inquired.

"Yes, Mr. President, it is."

The President turned to Chad. "See, that's how you address the President, Mr. Grosso." He turned back to Walken. "I just thought you should know that he sexually harassed and insulted my staff members right in front of Leo and myself."

Walken turned to Chad. "You're fired. Leave now so you can clean out your desk. I want that done before tomorrow morning." Walken addressed the President. "Mr. President, I am so sorry about that."

"No worries, Congressman."

Donna walked over to Ainsley. "You still wanna claim there's nothing going on between you and Sam?"

"Who else knows?"

"Me, Toby, CJ, Carol, Margaret, Mrs. Landingham, Abbey, Zoey, Bartlet, Leo, Ginger, Bonnie, Charlie, and Josh."

"Josh knows?!" Ainsley exclaimed.

"Ok, Josh only knows because I explained it to him when he wouldn't shut up about Mallory coming to the party with her NHL boyfriend." She explained. "He's….. more oblivious than most."

Ainsley nodded as they stood there in the awkward silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

What do you think? Are you surprised that Josh didn't pick up on Sam liking Ainsley until Donna explained it to him? Are you surprised that Sam almost lost his temper? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the review section!


	7. Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful

ETA: The only changes that I made is that I combined all 3 parts of the Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful chapter into one posting.

Disclaimer:

1) I don't own anything related to the West Wing.

2) The title 'The Best of Wives and the Best of Women' is inspired by Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton song of the same name.

3) The Chapter title 'Oh the weather outside is frightful m' is from the holiday song 'Let it Snow'.

4) I do not own anything related to Fly Me to the Moon (Frank Sinatra), Dream a Little Dream of Me (Ella Fitzgerald, Doris Day among others), or Take Me Home, Country Roads (John Denver).

Note- As the rest of the chapter is not ready yet, I am posting a snippet of the chapter's first scene. Expect the rest of it on Tuesday; however, it might not get posted until the following week because I might not be able to post this upcoming week as I'll be traveling.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley looked like a snow fairy queen with her cream wool coat, her matching leather fur-trimmed gloves, her fur hat, and her leather boots when a gust of snowflakes trailed behind her. 'My God she's absolutely breathtaking _.'_ "Ainsley!" Sam called to Ainsley from across the Lobby as the snow settled on the Christmas decorations. "Whatchya still doin' here? I thought you flew out this morning?"

"My flight got canceled. All of the planes are grounded for the storm." She said. "I'm renting a car and driving down tonight."

'But the roads. …. I don't want her driving by herself _._ ' Sam worried. "No, I'll drive you." ' _'No, I'll drive you?' What am I thinking? She's a strong, independent woman who can kick my a** in debates, board games, football and the President's annual Thanksgiving piñata 'turkey shoot'. She doesn't need my protection.' But oh, did he want to save the day. 'The roads'll be bad and I have experience with driving in the snow from going up to our cabin on Lake Tahoe and being in Manchester for the campaign.'_ He reasoned. _'She went to school in Boston, you idiot! ….. But then again, she probably took the T everywhere.'_

"But you're flying out of Reagan tomorrow."

 _'Good point.'_ "Oh, I'll book a new flight out of Charlotte after the storm and your family pick you up at the airport." He looked into her eyes that glimmered like the Christmas ornaments. "My godfather's a pilot so he can fly me out when the storm clears."

 _'He's so sweet.'_ She thought. "Okay. You win."

"I finally win against the great Ainsley Hayes?"

"Just this once, Sam." She fluttered her long eyelashes at him.

 _'Hey, I'm winning every day I'm around you.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Sam loaded the last suitcase in the trunk, he gestured to a large colorful tote with watercolor elephant print on it that he was holding, "Are you sure you don't want this one in the trunk?"

"Nope, that has my blanket and pillow."

"Then what's in the one that's already up front?"

"That's my snack and soda bag."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Of course you have a separate bag for your food and Fresca."

"I brought some Coca-Colas for you."

"Well, why thank you."

"It's the least I can do, since you won't let me pay for gas."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Snowflakes dusted the ground outside and Ella Fitzgerald crooned through the wood-paneled jukebox in the background. " 'Birds singing in the sycamore trees, Dream a little dream of me' "

Meanwhile, Sam watched Ainsley devour her cheeseburger with dainty bites from the cushy, red metallic booth across from him. "How can you be this hungry? At this rate, you're gonna have a heart attack before you're 35." 'Wow her eyes shimmer like the booth.'

" 'While I'm alone and blue as can be, Dream a little dream of me' "

The sunset cast a warm, coral haze over Ainsley as she finished her burger. "Well, then you won't have to worry about me advocating for the Second Amendment, tax cuts, and my conservative agenda as President." She dabbed the outer corners of her lips with a napkin.

All color drained from his face to match the white squares on the diner's checkered floor as she took a bite of her French Chocolate Silk Pie. "That's not funny."

" 'Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you' "

"Or you could pass legislation that restricts my constitutional right to make my own dietary decisions." She smiled at him. "Bless your little heart if you try, but it's an option." Her eyes twinkled into his as she sucked down her milkshake.

"So how many siblings d'ya have?"

" '...But in your dreams whatever they be, You gotta make me a promise, promise to me, You'll dream, dream a little of me' "

"... Three brothers, Trey, Wesley, and John David, and ... four sisters Eliza, Avaline, Scarlett, and … Mary Margaret." Ainsley looked away.

' _Three brothers who could probably kick my democrat a** just as well as she can.' "_ Are they all as accomplished as you? Like did they do theater, music, etc?"

"Yup. Trey, Avaline, and I did Marching and Concert band; Eliza and I rode horses competitively in high school and Eliza rode competitively in college; John David and Wesley played varsity football; Trey and I did Academic decathlon; ….. Mary Margaret, Avaline, and I did 4-H; Wesley and John David are both still in the Navy, Eliza's in the FBI, an' Trey and I are in politics. And we all grew up volunteering and doing philanthropy and all of my sisters, Mama and I got our Gold awards for Girl Scouts and my brothers and Daddy are all Eagle Scouts."

*CLEEEK-click.* A woman selected a new song from the jukebox's song library. *CHEE-dunk-clump-CLEEK-clink-clunk.* She deposited a quarter in the jukebox.

' _Correction- seven siblings who can all kick my a** as well as she can_. ... _don't mention the Dungeon and Dragon's camp.'_ "I'm an Eagle Scout. So are Jed, Leo, and Charlie."

" 'Fly me to the moon, Let me play among the stars' " Frank Sinatra began to play.

"That's impressive. Not many make it that far." She said. 'Daddy'll definitely like that, probably enough to get past the fact that he's a Democrat.' "But I'm not surprised. You all definitely have that Eagle Scout quality." She continued as he beamed at her, oblivious to the fact that the waitress had written her number on the check. "Hey Sam, we're losing daylight fast. We should head over to the motel."

" 'Let me see what spring is like, On a Jupiter and Mars, In other words, hold my hand, In other words, baby, kiss me' "

"Yeah, you're right." He signed the check before they got up to put on their wool coats before they turned to leave.

*Click. Click. Click.* Ainsley began to sing along as the clicking of her boots on the diner's floor kept time." 'Fill my heart with song, Let me sing forever more, You are all I long for, All I worship and adore.' " Ainsley's pale skin and rosy cheeks blushed a deep pink as Sam held the door for her. "Thank you, Sam."

"Your welcome."

" 'In other words, please be true, In other words, in other words, I love you' " Ainsley sang.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam changed the radio station as the windshield wipers kept the snow off the windshield. "How can they not have a regular music station?"

"Regular music?"

"Yeah, not this 'She took my heart and stomped that sucker flat' ….. stuff." Sam replied in a mock backcountry accent. "I would turn on NPR but the station's not coming in clearly." 'I'm amazed they even have NPR down here.'

"Sometimes we mix it up and listen to Christian Rock or Country Rock." Ainsley teased as Sam rolled his eyes. "Seriously though, not all country music is like that. May I?" She gestured towards the stereo.

"Go right ahead. Show me how not all country music's the same." Sam challenged Ainsley as the windshield wipers struggled to keep up with the snow.

Ainsley searched through the radio stations until she found one playing 'Take me home, country roads' and sang along as the snowfall became heavier by the minute. " 'Almost heaven, West Virginia; Blue Ridge mountains, Shenandoah river; Life is old there, older than the trees; Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze; Country roads, take me home; To the place I belong; West Virginia Mountain mamma, take me home Country roads;' "

"Okay, maybe country music isn't all bad." _'Then again anything she sings is perfection…. objectively speaking. Yes, because she has an amazing voice, which she does.'_

Ainsley continued. " 'All my memories, gather round her; Modest lady, stranger to blue water; Dark and dusty, painted on the sky; Misty taste of moonshine,-' "

The emergency weather alert interrupted the song. *bBBIRGGHHhhh … swieeshee wreeshheweeeshh … bBBIRGGHHhhh ... shhheeewee swieeshee … bBBIRGGHHhhh …. sweesheesh shhheeewee…. bUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG wreeseeeweeeeshh BIE…. shhheeewee BIE swieeshee BIE…..* _"_ This is a statement from the National Weather Service for the following counties in North Carolina channel:…. blizzard warning in effect from 6 p.m. Tuesday to 3 a.m. Wednesday…. the National Weather Service in Raleigh has issued a blizzard warning which is in effect from 6:00 p.m. Tuesday day to 3 a.m. Wednesday the blizzard watch is no longer in effect hazard types heavy snow and wind with blowing and drifting snow Tuesday evening through Wednesday night sleet may mix with the snow Tuesday night into Wednesday morning east of Interstate 77 before changing back to all snow by Thursday afternoon ... snow accumulation of 18 to 24 inches in the eastern suburbs of Raleigh and 24 to 30 inches in the western suburbs the city of Raleigh is expected to receive around 24 inches timing heavy snow will develop Tuesday evening and continue through Wednesday night conditions are expected to deteriorate day even with the heaviest snow strongest winds and potential life-threatening conditions expected Tuesday night through Wednesday in Hanks heavy snow and blowing snow will cause dangerous conditions and will be a threat to life and property Travel is expected to be severely limited if not impossible during the height of the storm Tuesday night and Wednesday visibility will be reduced to near zero at times and whiteout conditions winds northeast 25 to 35 miles per hour with gusts up to 50 miles per hour becoming ... Tuesday temperatures mid to upper 20s other blizzard warning means severe winter weather conditions are expected or occurring falling and blowing snow with strong winds and poor visibilities are likely this world into whiteout conditions making travel extremely dangerous do not travel if you must travel have a winter survival kit with you if you can get stranded stay with your vehicle prepared for the possibility of power outages during snowy and cold conditions."

"Thank goodness we have a government big enough to provide the people with hazardous weather warnings."

Ainsley chuckled. "That's not Big Government."

"How is it not Big Government? Isn't Big Government anytime the government does stuff like, you know, help people?" Sam mocked as the snowfall accelerated.

Ainsley rolled her eyes. "No. It's the government's job to protect our individual rights and ensure that we are empowered to take care of ourselves."

Just as Sam was about to answer, the traffic slowed to a halt as a fleet of blue lights and sirens passed them en route to an accident up ahead.

"Hey Ainse, couldya pull out the map and tell me how close we are to the nearest exit? The roads are getting worse and I think we should check into a motel a little sooner than we planned."

"Since you're not that good with geography and we don't wanna end up in Kirkwood Oregon or California."

Sam gave Ainsley a side-eye glare. "Since I'm driving and you're the navigator."

"Well, that too. But it was just too good of an opportunity for a Kirkwood joke to pass up." Ainsley pulled a map out of the glove compartment and unfolded the map.

"Just get us off the freeway, okay?"

"Okay." She scanned the map. "The next exit's coming up in about a mile so ya need to get in the right lane."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _*_ Crunch, duh-duh-duh, slush, duh-duh-duh, crunch, crunch. _*_ The snow that the wind blew to the walkway minced under Sam and Ainsley's feet and their suitcases' wheels as they searched for their rooms.

 _Slee-dump_. Sam threw away the bag of trash, which had the receipt with the waitress' number on it, from his car. "We're looking for 100-H and 100-I."

"100-A, 100-B… 100-C, 100-E-"

"See I don't get why they do that. Why didn't they just call that 100-D?"

"I have no idea. Maybe we should create a government agency to figure it out and fix it." Ainsley retorted as they passed 100-F and 100-G.

They came to a stop at 100-H and 100-I. The closeness between them hung in suspension as the world stood still. "So…. I guess these are our rooms."

"Yeah." Ainsley fiddled with the room keys. "And I have the room keys."

"Yeah." Sam's hands brushed against her red leather fur-trimmed gloves.

"And you're gonna need your room key." She bit her lip.

"Because…. we have separate rooms." He looked into her emerald eyes that reminded him of those pictures of Ireland in the travel company advertisements for trips to Ireland.

"Yeah." She said as they stood an inch apart. "See you in the morning."

"You too. Goodnight." They stood there in silence for a minute before Ainsley turned to unlock her door as Sam waited outside and listened to her sing the refrain of 'Dream a Little Dream of Me'. " 'Sweet dreams, till sunbeams find you; Gotta keep dreaming leave all worries behind you; But in your dreams whatever they be; You gotta make me a promise, promise to me; You'll dream, dream a little of me' "

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Does it surprise you that Sam would offer to drive her down? Do you think he would be willing to do this for say Josh, Toby, or C.J.?

Have you ever been caught in a storm or bad weather while traveling? I know for me that it always seems to happen on my trips. And if it's not bad weather, some other sort of disaster happens.

What are your favorite country songs and artists? Or do you agree with Sam on this one?

What about your favorite road trip music?

What do you like to order at diners?


	8. The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Often Go Up In Smoke

Disclaimer-

I don't own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton (The Best of Wives and The Best of Women) or Of Mice and Men (The Chapter title is inspired by the story's famous line 'The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.' )

Note- minor edits have been made to the canon scene and will be explained here in this chapter.

This takes places in episode 11 season 2, The Leadership Breakfast.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Josh attempted to fix the thermostat in the Mural Room while he waited for Sam to return with the leaves.

*Scrap, swish, scrash, scrish, scrish, scrap*. The leaves jostled in Sam's arms. "Hey, Josh. Any luck?"

"Nope." Josh fiddled with the thermostat.

Ainsley shivered in a cashmere wool sweater as she stood close to the doorway. "I'm gonna go to grab a sweater. I'll be right back." Ainsley said as Sam watched her rub her arms as her petite frame left the room.

"Hey Ainse, wait a sec." He took off his wool coat. "Take my coat."

Ainsley blushed as her eyes twinkled. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Thank you, Sam. That's very sweet of you." He handed her the coat.

'Anything for you.' "Your welcome." He turned to "Josh, go find some kindling." Sam was eager to show off his scouting skills.

"Some what? Not everyone's an Eagle Scout."

"Kin-dl-ing." Sam enunciated. "The small twigs and sticks that you use to start a campfire."

"Oh."

"Sam, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean-"

"No, no, we have a fireplace, why not use it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _Crunch, crunch, mush, crunch, smush, crunch, crunch_. Their feet crushed the snow. "Let me get this straight." Bartlet's deep timbre resonated in the frigid air on the South Lawn. "You and Josh set the White House on fire, a building that has only been on fire two other times since the founding of our country. The first one was in 1814 when Dolly Madison organized the evacuation of the White House and saved the portrait of George Washington and several State papers before the British burned the White House in the War of 1812." He turned to Abbey. "Abbey, I expect you to follow Dolly Madison's example should that ever happen."

"Yes, Jed. If an army of foot soldiers uses Napoleonic-era battle tactics, storms White House, and sets it on fire, I will rescue George Washington's portrait." Abbey mocked with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. "Should I have the table set and Rene serve them a meal too? Or should I cook it myself?"

' _You? Cook? Ha! No, not unless if we wanna get'em sick._ ' "The second fire happened during the Christmas Eve party in 1929 in the West Wing Senior Staff offices. And the history books will show Samuel Seaborn and Joshua Lyman set the third fire in White House history because they were cold when they attempted to start a fire in a fireplace that has been welded shut since 1896." Jed furrowed his brow and gave Sam his quintessential, withering stare. His voice lowered an equally harsh, tone. "Do ya really expect me to believe that even though you both ran at 7 am every day when we were in Manchester, even in the dead of winter?" He turned to Donna and Ainsley. "Where were you when this was happening?"

"I was helping C.J. in the Roosevelt Room with the seating charts." Donna answered as she pulled her Harvard Law sweatshirt over her head.

"And so was I, Sir, after Sam gave me his coat so I wouldn't have to go get another sweater from my office." Ainsley added.

Jed turned back to Sam and Josh. "Hmmm… You both have extra sets of clothes in your offices as well, correct?"

"Yes sir, we do." They whispered.

"And you didn't think to go get a couple?... One would think that you would've gone down to get some from your offices, not that you needed them since Josh, you're wearing a wool sweater and Sam you had one inside before you gave it to Ainsley." Jed admonished.


	9. Carl The Candyman Can

Carl The Candyman Can

Note: I apologize for all of the confusion this month with the irregular posting, especially with Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful p3. I realized after I posted 'The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Often Go Up In Smoke' that I had forgotten that segment. If you haven't already, please go read 'Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful p3'. It goes before 'The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men' and after 'Oh the weather outside is frightful p2'.

Disclaimer

I don't own anything related to the West Wing, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or Hamilton.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam rolled his sleeve back as he and Ainsley waited behind junior staffers in the White House concession stand line. "It's 7:09."

"Okay."

"The movie starts at 7:45." Sam added.

"Okay."

"That's in 36 minutes." Sam explained.

"Yup." Ainsley agreed. "Republicans can do math, ya know, so it's good to know that Democrats can too. But then you have to ask yourself 'If both Republicans an' Democrats can do math, then why's the deficit so large?' "

"I think we forget how to do it when we're spending other people's money." Sam said as they stepped forward in the line.

"What can I get for you?" The clerk asked.

"We'll have two large popcorns, two cokes, and two bags of skittles, please." Sam turned to Ainsley. "Anything else?"

Ainsley held a twenty dollar bill in her hand. "I'll have a Snickers, a bag of gummy worms, a Butterfinger, a bag of Swedish Fish, -"

"They let you eat Swedish Fish? Isn't that unpatriotic?"

Ainsley rolled her eyes. "First of all, we like our personal freedom. Second of all, we're a nation of immigrants, buddy. We all came from somewhere." Ainsley continued. "A pack of Twizzlers,-"

"You like Twizzlers, you heathen? Clearly, Red Vines are better."

"Are you done?" She turned back to the clerk.

"Yes." Sam said

"I apologize, Carl." Ainsley said.

"No worries, Miss Hayes."

"A pack of Milk Duds, Junior Mints, and Lemonheads, please. …. Don't judge me."

"I'm not judging you, Miss Hayes." The clerk assured her.

"I think she was talking to me."

"Yeah, Carl, that was directed towards Sam." Ainsley clarified. "How much do I owe you?"

"$31.95, Miss Hayes."

Ainsley opened up her wallet to take out the remaining cash when Sam handed Carl his credit card. "Nice try, Ainse, but it's on me."

"Sam, you don't have to do that."

"Think of it as penance for judging you for your junk food habit." Sam reasoned. "But seriously, Ainse, I want to." 'Please let me give you the world.'

"Are ya sure?"

"Yes." ' _More sure than I've been of anything.'_ Sam answered as Carl handed him his card back.

"Thank you." That's really sweet of you.'

They collected their red, white, and blue movie snack boxes filled with their smorgasbord before they headed off to the White House movie theater.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What time is it, Sam?" Ainsley asked as they walked through the hallway.

He checked his watch. "7:30."

"So we got 15 minutes to spare."

"Oh shut up." He said as they passed through the doorway. "Do ya have enough candy and popcorn there, Hayes?"

"I'm hungry, Sam." Ainsley said as they carried their movie snacks and sodas to their seats.

"That's not possible. You just had a massive burger, chili cheese fries, and a shake like an hour and a half ago."

"I'm still waiting for you to get that junk food consumption ban passed." Ainsley quipped just as Sam lost his footing going down the theater steps.

"Are ya okay there, Sam?" Ainsley asked as he stabilized the popcorn buckets and Toby, C.J., and Josh cackled.

"Sam, it usually helps to walk with both eyes open." C.J. teased Sam as they sat down in their seats.

Sam turned around to look at C.J. in the row behind them. "Oh, shut up." Sam attempted up his skittles when the bag completely broke and the skittles scattered all around him.

"It's a good thing we have all of this extra candy." Ainsley popped a junior mint into her mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He said as the lights dimmed and the movie started.

Once it occurred to Sam that Ainsley was asleep with her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her, he realized that he liked the feeling. Then, without thinking about it, he gently kissed the top of her head. 'She even smells like candy.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

What are your favorite movie snacks?

Are you Team Twizzlers or Team Red Vines?

Did any of you guys see that last paragraph coming?


	10. How Will I Know?

Note:

1) Unlike the canon series, the story's order in the context of the episodes from here on out will be The Stackhouse Filibuster(this chapter), 17 people, Someone's going to jail someone's going to emergency, and Isaac and Ishmael.

2) Another thing: As this largely focuses on Sam's and Ainsley's perspective, certain pieces of information will be revealed in a different order than they were in the series to reflect when they would have known said information

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to West Wing or the pop culture references that I make, including Hamilton and Whitney Houston songs (the chapter title references the Whitney Houston song How Will I Know).

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Dad,

C.J. Cregg's writing an e-mail to her father to kill time during the filibuster, and it reminded me I haven't told you any tales from the White House in the last few weeks.

Here's one about how I got yelled at by a 19-year-old intern from the General Accounting Office (GAO). Josh was having his twice-weekly meeting with his assistant deputies to staff out inbox material for the next few days, one of which was deciding to which of the 400 government reports to eliminate in order to save the Taxpayers money. I was looking for a good piece of fruit. And since I've learned a lot about excessive government spending from Ainsley, I volunteered to do it. Did you know that the Department of Agriculture spent $40 Million on 280 reports?

Okay, so I got a team together and I went about the task of recommending which of the 400 government reports should be eliminated. As we ruthlessly cut programs left and right, a 19-year-old GAO intern heaved a sigh of disdain not once, but twice, in the span of about 5 or so minutes. When I asked her what was the matter, she said: "You seem to be screwing up the world all by yourself." Then, just as Ed, Larry, and the rest of my staff left to go watch the vote, I stuck around to ask her what was wrong. Come to find out, she felt that I blew through the reports whereas she had taken the time to read all of them.

As for the filibuster- you know how I was supposed to go to the Hamptons this weekend? Well, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry, especially when a filibuster comes into play. A filibuster no one ever saw coming. Not the Senate leadership, not the Party leadership, not C.J., and not me. But a filibuster doesn't care if it's convenient or if you have any vacation plans, which is why I'm sure you're glad that the House stopped using filibusters in 1842 (the history of which President Bartlet lectured us about for at least two hours today), otherwise if it did, Stackhouse wouldn't have gotten ahold of a recipe book. The reason we need to stick around is that the moment the filibuster's over, there will be a vote. And once they vote, CJ will need us to spin the story. And we need the spin because it's a bipartisan bill and we're all for bipartisanship as long as we get the credit. So, CJ's taken the press corps hostage in the briefing room and us staffers in the West Wing. But it's not so bad because I get to hang out with Ainsley. I swear, Dad, Ainsley has this effect on me that no one's ever had on me before. I think I'm falling for her. Is this what it was like when you met Mom? How did you know that you were in love with her? Because man, Dad, she's like the light of the sun with the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. But I've got to ask, can you really fall in love so fast?

I'm betting that when you read this, you're going to be proud that I stayed. I'm betting you're going to end up rooting for a Minnesota Senator named Howard Stackhouse. 'Cause I gotta tell you, this doesn't seem like any old filibuster. It's our first filibuster, and I'm not a rules expert like Josh, but the rules of a filibuster are simple enough. You keep the floor as long as you don't take a break of any kind, lean on anything, or sit down. Before I continue, I want to say that if you ever have a free two hours and are so inclined, try standing up without leaning on anything and talking the whole time. You won't make it. I wouldn't make it. Stackhouse wasn't supposed to last 15 minutes. He's 78 years old. He has a head cold. This bill is going to pass. He has no hope, to say nothing of I can't imagine what the hell it is he's fighting for. Stackhouse wasn't supposed to last 15 minutes. Well, somebody forgot to tell Stackhouse, Dad, cause he just went into hour number eight and, lucky for me, he switched to reading David Copperfield.

It started with the bill you'll read about tomorrow morning called the Family Wellness Act. Josh had been leading staffers from the Legislative Liaison Office in negotiations with the conference chairman for weeks and this last Monday morning he walked into the Roosevelt Room and informed us that we had gotten the Family Wellness Act. So there it was, the Family Wellness Act, an omnibus health bill aimed at diseases that disproportionately affect children. This was a good day, cause something got done. The problem is, we only thought it was done. Josh received a message from Stackhouse to meet him on the Hill. Leo agreed and allowed Josh to go, but he wasn't concerned so long as he didn't give him anything because we did not want this to turn into a Christmas Tree bill and fall over when we placed the proverbial star on top. You know how that is. Now, the reason we weren't sweating Stackhouse is that, as you know, Stackhouse isn't someone you sweat. He's been around forever, but he has little influence, little power, and few friends. Anyway, no one thought much about the meeting with Stackhouse afterward. There are always going to be people who don't get what they want. I've been thinking about other things, like Ainsley.

Like Toby and Josh, I was also puzzled as to why the Vice President, who made his money from the oil industry, who champions the oil industry, volunteered to admonish the oil industry. Hoynes just kept hammering away, and we were reminded for a minute how close he came to being elected President. We agreed that it was an impressive display from Hoynes, but we couldn't get past the question of why he volunteered to do it. But then he found something even more strange. Apparently, Hoynes put a poll in the field, which said that many voters were concerned about his ties to Big Oil. All of that would make sense if he were running for office anytime soon, but he's not. I mean he can't possibly think of challenging a sitting President as the current VP, can he? But as for the filibuster, I'll keep you updated.

Love,

Sam

XXXXXXXXX

Dear Dad,

I said I would keep you posted about the filibuster, so here it is. Donna noticed a discrepancy between the photo-ops from his campaign trail, which consistently showed him with six of his grandchildren, and the newscaster reporting that he has seven grandchildren. From that, Donna did some digging and figured out that Stackhouse's grandson has Autism, which would explain why he was so determined to get funds for Autism Research in the bill. It also explained why he wasn't pictured because public events with lots of noise would likely be too overwhelming for him. He wasn't looking to satisfy the lobbyists who funded his campaign; he was just trying to help his grandson.

So CJ and Donna went to the President and Leo with the news about Stackhouse's grandson and that's when we all banded together to help Stackhouse get funding for Autism Research. And thanks to Donna, who knew about as much about Senate Rules from listening to Josh, we were able to find a way to help Stackhouse by having him yield for a question from a fellow Senator without yielding the floor.

And then came the big moment, Dad. Everyone was enlisted. You called whoever you had a relationship with and if you didn't get anywhere, they got a call from the President. We'd been at it 20 minutes and we were coming up with nothing until C.J. was able to get ahold of Senator Tom Grissom from Washington State. As they headed from his office to the Chamber, everybody started flooding into the Communications Bullpen to see what would happen. The only problem, of course, was that Stackhouse would have to know as much about rules and procedures as Donna had and not think we were trying to screw him. We stared at 14 different television sets while calculating in our heads the time it would take Hayes to walk from his office to the floor and we were in frozen silence while we listened to the rules of blackjack. And then it happened. Senator Grissom asked for Stackhouse to yield for a question, to which Stackhouse agreed.

And that was it. Grissom gave him a rest and an opportunity to answer some real questions about Autism. And when Hayes was done, McNamara took over, and after McNamara came Gianelli, grandfathers all. There'll be no vote tonight and the Senate will go home for the week. And since Stackhouse, with our help, blew the print deadline anyway, there's really no reason for Josh not to go back to the Conference Chairman and reopen the bill.

As you know from your days in politics, there are so many days here where you can't imagine that anything good will ever happen. You're buried under a black fog of partisanship and self-promotion and stupidity and a brand of politics that's just plain mean.

Yes, Hoynes had us nervous with his admonishment of Big Oil and yes, the President was making us nervous too. And was I annoyed that I had to postpone my trip? Yes, but that's for tomorrow, 'cause tonight I've seen a man with no legs stay standing, Dad, and a guy with no voice keep shouting. And if politics brings out the worst in people, then maybe people bring out the best 'cause I watched 28 U.S. Senators from both sides of the aisle come together onto the floor to help Stackhouse give his grandson, as well as the many more to come, a brighter future. Not to mention, I got to spend all that time with Ainsley, which made the whole thing worth it all on its own. I love you so much.

Your Son,

Sam


	11. I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to The West Wing, Hamilton, or The Beatles (courtesy of the Chapter title).

Note:

1) I apologize for not posting last week; this chapter is a big and important chapter that had some things that needed tweaking.

2) This chapter takes place in the 17 people episode.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Ainsley? Ainsley!" Sam bellowed over the howling boiler as he marched to her office with a rolled up copy of the speech in his hand. _'Wow, it smells like a locker room down here more than usual. When was the last time the air filters were replaced down here? 'Cause the moldy air could get her sick... not that she's doin' her health any favors with all the food she eats.'_

*Clickety clack-clack cluckety click-click clackety cluck-cluck.* Her fingers danced on the keyboard to classical music.

"Ainsley." Sam repeated.

*Clickety-clackety click clack.*

"Ainsley." He entered her office.

"Hello, Sam."

"Didn't ya hear me shouting?"

"Yes, I did." Ainsley replied.

"And...?"

"I chose to ignore it."

"Because...?"

"You were shouting."

"You're adorable." He stepped into her office. 'Especially wearing that FBI sweatshirt with your hair tied up in that ribbon.'

"Yet ill-adored."

"Go figure." Sam said. 'Do you have any idea how much I adore you?'

"Yeah."

Sam picked up a newspaper that sat on her filing cabinet. "What're you doin'?"

"I'm goin' up to Smith College tomorrow."

' _So much for going to the Correspondents Dinner with you.'_ "Why?"

"It's my alma mater." She explained.

' _That's right, she mentioned it a while back. But on a different note, how's that even possible? How could she go to Smith College and be … well… Ainsley? Not only that, but why would she wanna go to Smith College of all places?'_ "Reunion?" He tossed the newspaper back onto the filing cabinet.

"No, the women's studies department's having a panel on resurrecting the ERA."

"Who else's on the panel?" Sam examined a model Navy plane on her bookshelf and looked at a picture of Ainsley from her Navy Fighter Pilot days. ' _Hot diggedy d***, that's bada** sexy.'_

"Rebecca Walker, Gloria Steinem, …Anne Coulter, Naomi Wolf..." Ainsley leaned back in her chair and then got up to retrieve more computer paper from her bookshelf.

"Ya know, somethin' like 40 percent of all women oppose the ERA, and in my entire lifetime, I've never met one of 'em."

Ainsley held out her dainty hand. "Ainsley Hayes, nice to meet you." She flashed a smile with a tilt of her head.

Sam stopped. "You're not..."

"Yes."

"You're not!"

"Yes." Ainsley returned to her desk.

"You're not, you're not, you're NOT one of those people!" His indignation erupted. 'I knew she was a Republican, but this too?'

She deposited the paper into the printer shaft. "Sam, if, by those people, you're referrin' to Episcopalians..."

"You're goin' back to Smith College, ... the cradle of feminism, ... to argue in opposition of the Equal Rights Amendment?!" He railed.

' _What, you think feminists can't handle an opposing argument?'_ "An' get some decent pizza, yeah!" She clarified as her fingers clacked on the keyboard.

' _Of course food's a motivating factor._ ' "They're gonna hate you." He jabbed the rolled up rough draft of the speech at her. ' _As if that's stopped you before.'_

"Sam, I'm a straight Republican from North Carolina…. You don't think they hated me the first time 'round?"

"Yeah."

"What're you doin'?" She asked.

"I wanna punch up some of the jokes for the Correspondents' Dinner, an' I'm looking for people left in the building who are funny. I can't find any, so I came to you." Sam stood by the door.

Ainsley batted her eyelashes. "I would think, Sam, wi' your infectious sense of humor, you'd have no trouble."

' _God, Ainsley, I can't think straight when you do that._ ' "D'ya wanna help me or not?" ' _Please_?'

"I need to do this."

"We've ordered Chinese food."

"Okay." She sashayed out of her office as he held up the paper as if to playfully swat her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey!" Sam said as he and Ainsley joined Josh, Donna, Ed, and Larry in the Roosevelt Room.

" 'I don't mind, just don't stick me with the dinner check?' " Josh read the rough draft of the speech.

"I know, it's like he's playing Grossinger's."

" 'I know some of you are troubled by my frequent use of Latin references. Well, all I can say is 'No te preocupas'." Donna read.

"The joke here's that it's in Spanish." Larry said.

"It's that kinda Latin." Ed continued.

"And that's probably where you'll want your first dead audience joke." Donna said.

"We're not gonna need a dead audience joke." Josh insisted.

"Donna, who gave you those beautiful flowers on your desk?" Ainsley served herself mandarin orange chicken.

"I did. Me. Those are from me." Josh boasted.

"What's the occasion?" Ainsley asked.

"Nothing." Donna spat.

"Our anniversary." Josh said.

"Our not anniversary." Donna corrected.

"Donna doesn't like to talk 'bout it." Josh said.

"I really don't." Donna confirmed.

"Okay." Ainsley furrowed her brow as she put the takeout container back on the table. 'Only Donna and Josh would have a 'not anniversary'.'

"A few years ago, Donna's boyfriend broke up with her, so she started working for Josh. But then, the boyfriend told her to come back, and she did. And then they broke up, and she came back to work." Sam explained.

' _Really Sam?'_ Donna glared at him.

Sam paused. "I thought ya meant you didn't wanna talk about it. I'm a spokesman ... it's in my blood."

' _Oh, Sam…. You're really adorable sometimes.'_ Ainsley smiled at him and then turned to Josh. "Well, they're nice flowers."

"And I'd also like to thank our host, Bill Maher..." Larry started.

"We're not makin' fun of the host." Sam said.

"Who are we makin' fun of?" Ainsley asked.

"Republicans!" Sam, Josh, Ed, and Larry said.

 _'I'm sorry.'_ Sam thought as Ainsley rolled her eyes. "I only wish the Speaker were here tonight, but he's held up in negotiations on the Hill. He's demanding his latest prenup include a line item veto?"

"There it is!" Josh gestured to Sam.

"All right! Two groups. ... You guys over there, we'll stay over here." Sam said.

"I wanna be in the other group." Ainsley complained to Sam.

' _Wait is this about me making fun of Republicans?'_ "Why?" Sam asked. ' _I'm sorry Ainse, I really am. Don't do this to me.'_

"The Kung Pao Chicken."

 _'Seriously? I should've known.'_ Sam rolled his eyes. "Get the Kung Pao Chicken an' come back here. Let's go! In a half an hour, I wanna make Toby laugh."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Josh returned to the Roosevelt Room. "All right..." He clapped his hands together. "Here we go!"

"Equality of rights, under the law, ... shall not be denied ... or abridged ... by the United States, ...or any state, ... on account ...of sex." Sam proclaimed as he read a passage from a law book in his hand. SSLLLAMMMPPP! He slammed the book shut.

"What's the joke?" Josh asked.

"It's not a joke." Sam sat down.

"It's the Equal Rights Amendment." Ainsley shook her head.

"When'd that come back?" Josh asked. 'What does that have to do with the Correspondence Dinner?'

"Read what these guys have." Donna handed Josh the notepad.

"Shall not be abridged or denied on account of sex." Sam repeated. "Very dangerous language... This must be stopped… What could possibly be your problem with the ERA?"

Ainsley smiled. "It's redundant."

"Why're we talking 'bout he ERA?" asked Josh.

"She's doin' a thing." Sam said.

"Yeah, but it's not back or anything though, is it?" Josh asked.

"Certainly, not if Phyllis Schlafly here has her way." Sam said. ' _Hopefully, she won't, but she could definitely have her way with me…. not the real Phyllis Schlafly, I mean Ainsley….. you know what, I'll just stop before I hurt myself.'_

"Look..." Ainsley threw down her pencil and stood up.

"It's redundant?" Sam creased his brow. ' _What? What does that mean?... No, I know what redundant means… but what does she mean?'_

"I'm a low maintenance lady. I've got the 14th Amendment. I'm fine!" She grabbed a Stout beer.

"How about..."

'Sam, Sam, Sam…' Donna attempted to hide a smile.

Ainsley grabbed a pad of paper and returned to her seat. "The 14th Amendment, which says that a citizen of the United States is anyone that's born here, … that's me... and that no citizen can be denied due process. I'm covered. Make a law for somebody else." ' _I'm fixin' for a cheesecake and some di**.'_

Josh stood with one hand behind his head. "Alright, here's a joke based on the premise that the party afterward is hard to get into and that the President is the Commander-In-Chief. 'I hear the Bloomberg party is gonna be hard to get into this year but I'm not worried. I'm going to the party with the 82nd Airborne.' "

"And then the President says 'Wow, I haven't heard a room this quiet since we lost the signal on Galileo.' " Donna said.

"Or 'Wow, I haven't seen my staff update their resumes this quickly since the last time I TANKED at the Correspondents' Dinner!' " Josh's volume escalated as he leaned over the table.

"Josh." Donna said.

"Yeah?"

"When you yell, you make it harder for people to find the funny." Donna said.

"Hey, who gave you those flowers on your desk?" Josh asked.

"A mean man who can't read a calendar." Donna snarled.

"Sam." Josh motioned for Sam to follow him to the corner.

"We're doin' fine. Toby's gonna come in here an' nail it. This is his thing." Sam whispered.

"Yeah, cut the Speaker joke, okay? Mrs. Bartlet might not be there."

"Okay." Sam complied. _'That's odd.'_

"Alright, so uh... we're gonna be fine here."

"No! We're doing great!" Sam turned to the group. "We're doin' great everybody, right?"

"Sam, we've got one here, but it involves a John Wayne impersonation an' a sock puppet."

Sam whispered to Josh. "Yeah, we're eating it." ' _When's Toby gonna get here?'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Self-deprecation." Sam walked around the room.

"Yes." Ed agreed.

"Self-deprecation's what we need." Sam continued.

"Yes."

"Self-deprecation's the appetizer of charm." Sam stated.

"We need jokes about the staff." Ed fiddled with his employee badge.

"We need jokes about the staff." Sam agreed.

"Let's start wi' you." Ainsley batted her eyelashes at him.

"Problem is there aren't many jokes you can make about me."

' _Is that a challenge, Sam Seaborn? Game on, Buddy.'_ Donna spun around. "How about this. Um, 'Knock knock.' 'Who's there?' 'Sam and his prostitute friend.' "

Ainsley, Ed, and Larry guffawed as Sam's eyes shot daggers at Donna. ' _WHAT THE LIVING ****, DONNA?! YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT AINSLEY.'_ "See, I think that was a bit of misdirected anger there." Sam fired back.

 _'And we finally have a funny joke.'_ "I'm okay with that." Donna retorted. ' _And you know how I feel about Josh and that whole situation better than anyone.'_ Donna shot back to him.

 _'Okay, Donna. Two can play at that game.'_ "Well, in that case, Ainsley, you know why I got you flowers in April instead of February? 'Cause ya ditched me the first time around to go back to the guy who ditched you the first time around, only to have him ditch you the second time around."

 _'But seriously, Sam, there's no way Ainsley didn't know about Laurie from all the press coverage.'_ Donna thought. *THWACK!* Donna smacked Josh upside the back of his head.

"Ow! What the h***? That was him!" Josh whined.

"He was being you!" Donna scolded.

"Well, in fairness, I think everybody should have a turn." Josh smirked. "Sam, is there anything we can pull, anything funny we can recycle?"

"Yeah, pull something I wrote from October called 'Government-wide Accountability for Merit System Principles.' "

"That one was a barn-burner, was it?" Josh groaned as he stood up from the table in search of the speech.

"Do ya have any idea how much grief I took from him when I came back?" Donna asked.

"How much?"

"None. … I walked in the door, and he said, 'Thank God, there's a pile of stuff on the desk.'" Donna spat as she made notes for the speech. "This is his way. …. He's just gonna snark me every April. Prince of passive-aggressive behavior."

"What does "snark" mean?" Sam asked.

"I dunno, but he's doing it." Donna answered.

"There any coffee left?" Sam asked.

"In the Mess." Ed replied.

"Anybody want anything?" Sam stood up.

"Do ya think they have cheesecake down there?" Ainsley asked.

 _'There's no humanly possible way you can be hungry._ ' Sam checked his watch. "It's quarter after midnight. The pastry chef usually stays on 'til dawn."

 _'Wait seriously?'_ "I'll go see if there is." Ainsley skipped out of the Roosevelt room with Sam. _'Wait a minute, Sam probably just wants to hang out with me, but I wanna ….. hangout with him too.'_ Ainsley's cheeks blushed.

"Ya know, we should make a joke about women, 'cause there's no law against that or paying them less money than men." Sam said as they turned the corner.

"Well, there is a law against that. It's the Pay Equity Act. It passed in 1964 when women were making 59 cents to the dollar." Ainsley corrected.

"What're ya makin' now?" Sam inquired.

"79 cents."

"So, everything's fine."

"No, there still are some problems, but I'm not worried 'cause the federal government's coming to the rescue." Ainsley leaned into Sam's side.

"Look..."

"You think pay disparity's 'cause some sexist in human resources hired two people for equal positions and paid the man more?" Ainsley questioned.

"Oftentimes..."

"And oftentimes women make less money over the course of their lifetimes because they choose to."

"Oh, goodnight nurse!" Sam exclaimed as they went down the stairs. "They don't choose to make less money. They're financially punished for having kids."

"They made a choice to have kids. And since facts matter,-" Ainsley corrected.

"Well, not necessarily if you guys have your way, but that's a different can of tuna. … I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there'd be paid family leave in every Fortune 500." Sam declared.

"Sam, if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they'd fall down and die at the first sonogram. As I was saying, who's financially punishing the female entrepreneurs making 49 cents to the dollar, especially considering only 29 percent of them list making money as their number one priority in compared to the 76 percent of male entrepreneurs who list making money as their primary priority. Unmarried, childless women actually make more than their male counterparts, assuming you control for all other variables. And furthermore, if women could be paid less money than men for the same work with the same qualifications, why wouldn't all of these companies hire women exclusively because could pay them less for the same work?"

'Okay, I got nothing.' "If the Amendment's redundant, then what's your problem if it's passed or not?" He asked as they entered the Mess.

"Because I'm a Republican! ... Have we met? ... I believe that every time the federal government hands down a new law, it leaves for the rest of us a little less freedom. So I say, let's just stick to the ones we absolutely need in order to have water come out of the faucet and our cars not stolen... That is my problem with passing a redundant law." Ainsley said as they gathered the cups and saucers. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"The all-night pastry chef, you were just kidding about that, right?"

"Yeah."

Ainsley shoved the tray at Sam.

"Ainsley, didya really think that we could afford to have an all-night pastry chef at the White House?"

' _Hey in all fairness, I'm not here for the cheesecake.'_ "No, but when has that stopped the Federal Government?" Ainsley pointed out. "Hey Sam, do ya know if they have peaches?"

Sam stared at her. "Peaches? …. You want…. peaches?"

"Yeah, ya know, like the fruit."

"I know what peaches are, Ainse, but why do ya want'em?"

"Republicans eat fruit too, Sam."

"Really? I didn't know you could digest it. Aren't you a different species?"

Ainsley rolled her eyes. "We do eat it, we just don't wanna be pressured by a government regulation or law. We know how well it worked for Prohibition."

"Okay now you're comparing apples to oranges; one encourages-"

"-the public to eat healthy food and the other banned alcohol consumption. But they are comparable because they are both authoritarian measures to control the individual's choice, whether or not they should make that choice."

"We also have laws against murdering others. Should we give The People the freedom to do that?"

"No, because murder violates the victim's right to life. Talk about comparing apples to oranges." Their fingertips met with tentative desire. "Sam."

"Yeah?"

"The-"

"Oh right, the peaches. …. There should be some in here." Sam stepped into the storage closet and he climbed up the ladder.

 _*_ DUH-dum-duh-dummm _.*_ Ainsley giggled when Sam tumbled to the floor with the strawberries. "Lemme help you with that Sam." Ainsley crouched down to the floor and then their hands touched as they both reached for the pick up the last strawberry. "Oh. Sorry." Sam removed his hand when the vacuum cleaner's rumble startled them.

"It's okay…. No worries." Ainsley assured him as the ripe, bruised strawberries' juice trickled onto her hand just before they returned to the main area of the Mess.

*CRASH!* Sam and Ainsley collided into the staircase floor on their way back to the Roosevelt Room. They cachinnated for a few moments and then gazed into each other's eyes. The strawberry aroma on her breath and her skin intoxicated Sam as her coffee-soaked sweatshirt seeped into his gray sweater. With their lips less than an inch apart, Sam gently caressed her jaw and the small of Ainsley's back as her sticky strawberry hands interlaced behind his neck.

"Um… we should probably ... clean this up ... and get more coffee…."

Ainsley nodded. "They'll be … wondering where we are ….. and be needing coffee…. to get through….. the speech writing." _'But I'd rather just stay here.'_

"Yeah." Sam bit his lip.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the h*** took so long?" Ed asked Sam.

Donna made eye contact with Sam as he and Ainsley entered with a tray of coffee and cups. ' _Sam gimme an update…'_

 _'I'm not talking to you right now.'_ "We got the coffee, but then I spilled it coming up the stairs, ya know, the first coupla times." Sam explained. "Where's Josh?"

Donna's eyes turned to Ainsley. _'Did anything happen?'_

' _Almost, but no.'_ Ainsley thought.

' _Ok I believe you, but only because I know how clumsy Sam is.'_ "You sent 'im to get the thing." Donna answered.

"For how long? … I've had time to spill coffee, you know, a lot." Sam said.

 _'Are you sure, Ainsley?'_

 _'Yes, Donna, I was there.'_

"I'll find'im." Donna left the room.

"So, guys..."

"Yeah?" Ed looked up at Sam.

"When I was downstairs, I made a decision. I'm gonna register with the Republican Party, and I'll tell you why, if you're curious. It's because they're a freedom-loving people."

"We also like beef." Ainsley handed out the coffee.

"Ya know, you insist government is depraved for not legislating against what we can see on the newsstands, or what we can see in an art exhibit, or what we can burn in protest, or which sex we're allowed to have sex with, or a woman's right to choose, but don't you dare try to regulate this deadly weapon I have concealed on me, for that would encroach against my freedom."

"Yeah, and Democrats believe in Free Speech, as long as it isn't prayer while you're standing in school. You believe in the Freedom of Information Act, except if you wanna find out if your 14-year-old daughter's had an abortion..." Ainsley countered.

"We believe in the ERA."

"Well, go get 'em."

"How can you have an objection to something that says...?"

Ainsley stood up in opposition. "Because it's humiliating! …. A new amendment we vote on, declaring that I am equal under the law to a man? … I am mortified to discover there's reason to believe I wasn't before... I am a citizen of this country. I am not a special subset in need of your protection. I do not have to have to have my rights handed down to me by a bunch of old, white men. ... The same Article 14 that protects you, protects me. And I went to law school just to make sure." Ainsley opened the double doors. "And with that, ….. I'm goin' back down to the mess, ….. because I thought…... I may have seen there, ….. a peach." ' _Y'know, like my a**.'_ Her eyes danced just before she left. _'You're welcome to follow me and …. continue this…. discussion.'_

"I could've countered that, but I'd already moved on to other things in my head." Sam sat down.

'Okay Sam.' Larry thought.

'Face it, she kicked your a**, Boss.' Ed thought.

"Hey, guys, when's Toby gonna be back?"

"No idea." Ed and Larry said.

XXXXXXX

The second half of the 17 People (well technically it takes places directly after the episode ends, but it happens on the same night as this chapter) will pick up next week. What are your predictions for what will happen?


	12. Strawberry Fields Forever

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the West Wing, Hamilton, or the Beatles.

Note:

1) This takes place on the same night as the 17 people episode, but it's after the canon episode ended.

2) The next chapter will take place in the context of Someone Goes to Jail, Someone Goes to Emergency.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam leaned on the Mess doorway with his hands in his pockets as Ainsley sat on the threw away a peach pit. ' _Good God, you really are gorgeous_.' "You find your peach?" ' _Is she wearing a bra?'_

' _Yes, finally. Now we can... get back to our... discussion...'_ Ainsley blushed as she sliced a lemon in half. "Yes, an' lemons too." ' _Please just take my clothes off already. Think of all the peach, strawberry, and lemon juice that I rubbed all over my skin for you to suck on.'_

"Why on God's green earth are ya eating a raw lemon?" Sam played with his jacket buttons. ' _But I'd love to suck lemon juice off your skin... especially mixed with the strawberries and peaches... that is, if you want me to. ... but God, do I want to. ... No Sam, wait.'_

' _Sam, don't ya wanna kiss my pineapple?'_ "Aren't ya glad I'm eating something healthy for once?" Ainsley's eyes twinkled in the dim light. "Maybe you won't have to get that junk food consumption bill passed." _'Okay, enough talking. I even took my bra off to make your life easier. We could go to your office if you want. Let's go.'_

"I don't think we have enough peaches, strawberries, or lemons to undo the damage." Sam retorted. "But a lemon? Why?"

' _UGHH! Are you really that hung up on the lemon, Sam? Do I have to get naked in front of you to make this happen? My panties are wet anyway.'_ "I think I'm gunna have to report you to the ACLU for attempting to restrict my civil liberties to eat as I please." Ainsley sucked on her lemon. ' _Just think how good I'd taste. It'd be like eating a lemon meringue pie.'_

' _My God, you're killing me. I just wanna make love to you right now... d'ya want to? Everyone's gone home, right? ... No Sam, not like this, not here, not now.'_ Sam checked his watch. "Ainse?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"You don't have a car. It's 2 a.m. in Washington D.C. and you live in Old Town Alexandria. I'm not sure why you live all the way out there when you work at the White House, but that's beside the point. Anyway, please, let me give you a ride home." Sam offered.

 _'Now we're gettin' somewhere.'_ "Why thank you, Sam." Ainsley said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _*_ EEP EEP. _*_ Sam unlocked the car and then he opened the passenger seat door for her with his hand on the small of her back. "Thank you. You're quite the gentleman." 'Which is why you haven't ripped my clothes off... Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate it, but part of me wishes you'd be a little less of a gentleman right now.' _CLI-chunk_. She buckled her seatbelt.

He opened the driver side door. "Oh, it's no problem. I just ... wanna make sure you get home safely." *CLI-chunk.* He buckled his seatbelt. _'I wanna go home with you... SAM! No. Control yourself. Ainsley deserves for this to happen the right way.'_

 _'I'm hoping that's not the only reason. We could just unbuckle these seatbelts and go in the back seat.'_ Ainsley wished. "Well, I appreciate the thought. Chivalry's a lost art."

*dddrruuhh-vah-VRRRROOOOMMM.* Sam started the car. "Is your ERA thing gonna be on TV? I was hoping to watch it."

"Yeah, on the Capital Beat. Mark's gunna commentate on it."

"That's ironic." Sam chuckled.

"Yes, I guess it is in a way." Ainsley agreed.

Sam and Ainsley sat in awkward silence for several minutes when Ainsley finally spoke. "To answer your question, Sam, the reason I live out all the way out in Alexandria is D.C has really strict gun ownership laws. An' for the record, I'm a perfect shot."

"Is owning a gun really that important to you?" Sam asked. _'A perfect shot? I'm not gonna lie… that's kinda hot.'_ "And y'know the Second Amendment provides for the right to 'a well-regulated militia'."

"First of all, Sam, you forgot that the whole passage states 'A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.' Second of all, the right to bear arms allows us to keep the government in check and prevent them from going tyrannical. We the people are the militia. Alexander Hamilton wrote, 'If circumstances should at any time oblige the government to form an army of any magnitude, that army can never be formidable to the liberties of the people while there is a large body of citizens, little if at all inferior to them in discipline and the use of arms.' "

"…who stand ready to defend their rights and those of their fellow citizens.' Okay, they said you have the right to have a militia-"

"We the people are the militia, Sam."

"With you at the helm, I presume?" _'Again, that's incredibly sexy… I'd follow you into battle anywhere... and obey every command.'_ "But anyway, Alexander Hamilton, Ben Franklin and John Jay started writing the Federalist Papers in October 1787 and published it in August 1788. …. Yes, Ainsley, I've read the Federalist Papers. Democrats study the Founding Fathers too."

"I know, I've seen your 'Don't Tread on Me' flag." Ainsley blushed.

"Yes, exactly." Sam continued. "Anyway, we live in a completely different society, hence why we have a large Standing Army-"

"We don't have a large Standing Army. We have a small Standing Army and a large Reserve Army." Ainsley interjected.

"Oh. Well anyway, we have much more technologically sophisticated weapons like machine guns and tanks. It's not just muskets, rifles, and pistols anymore. Therefore, it needs to be modernized, just like how slavery was outlawed."

"To your first point, John Adams actually said that we did have the right to own weapons such as canons. Not to mention, the first machine gun was invented before the Revolutionary War; it was called the Puckle Gun."

"The Puckle Gun?"

"Yes Sam, the Puckle Gun. Anyway, tyrannical regimes throughout history, including the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany just to name a few, have used gun control to suppress human rights. … If you're suggesting we repeal the Second Amendment, the answer is no."

"But the guys who shot Josh bought the gun legally. Doesn't that mean we need some new gun laws?" Sam parked outside her townhouse.

"First of all, Sam, a background check couldn't have stopped them because criminals would just get guns illegally and therefore bypass the background check."

"We need gun safety laws though." Sam got out to open up Ainsley's door.

"No one's saying we don't." Ainsley stepped out. "For the record, second amendment advocates often take safety very seriously."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you were wrong when you said that I don't like the people who like guns." Sam confessed. ' _Because I do. I do now at least.'_

' _You wanna come in?'_ Ainsley's pupils dilated as their eyes locked with their lips a millimeter apart for several moments before she broke the silence. "Thank you again, Sam." Her lips felt the cool, damp air from the Potomac River on his cheek.

"Anytime." Sam watched as the moonlight and streetlights illuminate her creamy blond hair and her iridescent skin as she climbed up the steps.

' _It's not too late to change your mind.'_ She looked back before she unlocked her door. ' _I knew I should've been naked when he came down to the Mess. Or waved my bra at him.'_

"Anything for you." Sam uttered once she was inside her townhouse.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Is this what you expected?

What do you predict will happen in the final chapters?


	13. The Truth About Oz

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter Title: The Truth About Oz

Important Notes:

To accommodate for the series (and the companion stories that will crossover later on), I am renaming the Sam and Ainsley stories "Sam and Ainsley's Excellent Adventure" (part 1, part 2, etc accordingly) and the series at large is going to be "The Best of Wives, The Best of Women. (However, I will wait a few days to officially change to allow most readers a chance to read the announcement first.)

In this story, the 'Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail' episode takes place after 17 people.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, the West Wing, Hamilton, or the Wizard of Oz.

Teen rating with mature language blocked out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*CLA-dashhhhh!* The cherry hardwood floor quaked when Sam's cell phone tumbled out of his hand.

 _'_ _****_ _!'_ Sam's frozen body erupted.

"Sam? Are ya there?" Sam's dad said over speakerphone. "Sam?" ' _We musta gotten disconnected. I'll call'im back inna minute_.' *BEEP _._ *

*terrr-cllkk.* Josh and Toby entered the apartment. "Hey, Sa-"

Toby put a firm hand on Josh's shoulder. "Not now."

 _'**** **** ****!'_ Sam's body trembled.

"Huh?" Josh looked at Toby. "But the thing-"

' _Oh for the love of God, Josh, just shuddup an' be aware of others for once. Woulda little Emotional Intelligence kill ya?_ ' Toby death glared at Josh "Shuddup." Toby hissed.

 _*_ bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG…. bbbrrrrr-RINNNNNNNGGGGGGG….*

"We're sorry, Sam Seaborn cannot come to the phone right now. Please leave your message after the tone."

"Hey Sam, it's your father. I thought we got disconnected, but I ….well I guess… call me back when you can if ya wanna ….. finish talking 'bout this. ….. Okay. I love you..." Sam's dad left a voicemail. *BEEP _*_

' _**** ***, DAD!'_

"If you are not satisfied with your message, please press 1. If you are satisfied with your message, please hang up." *BEEP*

'**** *** _****, Dad?'_ Sam radiated with a white-hot anger.

Toby turned to Josh. "Stay here. If ya can't handle that, go take a walk."

"So wha' am I supposed to do? Stand in the doorway indefinitely?"

Toby opened the door. "Y'know what, just go hangout at O'Malley's downstairs."

Toby closed the door before sat next to Sam in silence for about ten minutes. "Y'wanna talk about it?" Toby whispered.

"...My dad…. he…he's….had an affair with a woman for 28 years." Sam's eyes flooded into Toby's side.

' _Nothing like learning the truth about Oz all at once.'_ Toby thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Questions:

Are you surprised by how Josh behaved in this scene?

What about Toby?

What do you think Toby means by that last line? What do you think he's referring to? (hint: pay attention to episode order changes that I made and what Toby was doing in said episodes.)


	14. That Would Be Enough

Important Note: This is the final chapter of the first book in the Best of Wives and The Best of Women Series (Sam and Ainsley's Excellent Adventure) and the story will continue in Sam & Ainsley's Excellent Adventure P2.

also- I made some minor changes to the dialogue.

Warning: Teen rating with mentions of terrorist attacks that happen off screen and minor language.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Hamilton, West Wing, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or any of the pop culture references that I use. The Series title (The Best Of Wives And The Best Of Women) and the Chapter title (That Would Be Enough) both reference Hamilton by Lin Manuel Miranda and the Story title (Sam and Ainsley's Excellent Adventure) references the movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (directed by Stephen Herek and written by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon).

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Abbey, C.J., Donna, Josh, Toby, Sam, and Mrs. Landingham had been waiting in the Mess while the White House was on lockdown.

C.J. checked her watch. "Any idea when we'll hear more?" ' _We're gonna need to brief the Press soon.'_

' _Not soon enough_.' Sam dreaded.

"I dunno, but I'm hungry." Josh headed to the register to order food. "And no, Sam. I'm not calling Mike Casper again. He'll let us know as soon as he can."

' _Mike_?' Donna perked up at the mention of the FBI agent's name.

"Why aren't we in the Presidential Bunker? I mean is it safe for us to be here?"

' _First of all, not everyone here would be evacuated to the Bunker._ ' Josh thought.

"Sam, stop pacing. You're stressing me out." C.J. said. ' _I know you're freaking out 'cause you love her, but this isn't helping.'_

' _I'm stressing you out, C.J.?'_ Sam rubbed the back of his neck. "Ainsley's supposed to be coming back today from ... wait for it... BOSTON. Not to mention she's supposed to come back on a TRAIN. What happened this morning? Oh, that's right. An Amtrak train headed to D.C. was hijacked and crashed by terrorists. So forgive me if I'm nervous that our colleague might be in danger." Sam panicked. ' _Just stay alive, Ainsley.'_

"Sam... Are you sure there's not more to this?" Donna hesitated.

' _Donna…'_ Sam glared at her.

' _Oh come on, Sam. Everyone here knows._ ' Donna thought.

"What else could it be? I'm worried about my colleague. That's it." Sam insisted. ' _Please, please, please, oh PLEASE GOD, keep her safe. Bring her home.'_

' _Sure it is.'_ C.J. thought.

"To answer your question, Donna, the Intelligence Community has concluded that we aren't at that t hasn't reached that point yet." Josh sat down. ' _Please, C.J., don't go on another one of your CIA and Homeland Security fangirl rants.'_

"Soda again, Josh?" Mrs. Landingham reproved. "I hope you're going to brush your teeth, Josh."

"Brush my teeth? Why?" Josh asked.

"Because letting all that sugar sit on your teeth for long periods of time will give you cavities." Mrs. Landingham explained.

"I'll take my chances." Josh said. "And Sam, she's our colleague too, but we aren't having a nutty." 'I mean I'm still baffled by it, but what do I know?'

' _I never said she wasn't.'_ "What's that supposed to mean?" Sam dared.

*krinnnn-tirsshhh-cruttelllll-tuurrssshhh-kriiiinnnnnnng-culll-tirssshhhh* Josh's sandwich wrapper crinkled over the silence.

Toby tilted his head down. "That you have feelings for Ainsley." He fiddled with his pink ball.

All motion ceased except to look at Sam's shocked face. _'I can't have feelings for Ainsley.'_ "What makes you think that I have any feelings for Ainsley whatsoever?"

' _I told ya everyone knew._ ' Donna broke the long-held silence. "The way you look at her, joke around with her..."

"And bicker and argue with her. When you vouch for her, like with that Brooklyn and Joyce incident-" CJ continued.

"I was simply protecting us from a lawsuit." Sam interrupted.

"Then explain why you kissed her on the forehead at the White House movie showing." Toby said.

Everyone was quiet for a minute until Sam finally spoke. "I just... I ... just... I just wanted to …. okay, maybe I do have feelings for her. … There. … I said it. Are ya happy now?" ' _Just drop it, okay?'_

"Well, it's about time." C.J said.

"Not that it matters anymore." Sam said. ' _Please, don't make me explain myself.'_

"Why d'ya say that?" Abbey asked.

" 'Cause it'll never work." Sam said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Why do you think Sam said, " 'Cause it'll never work." ?

How do you think the rest of them are going to react?

Note: As I said, this is the final chapter of this book. Tune in to read 'Sam & Ainsley's Excellent Adventure P2' in the next couple weeks to find out what happens next in the second half of this scene.


End file.
